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tiny-katara · 3 years ago

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i still have more proof that taylor swift is a zutara shipper. there is so much and @burst-of-iridescent had some i hadn't even thought about and they were so good??? amazing job i loved that post, but this is like part 3 lol and it was going to end there but 16 songs was too long and so 8 are here and 8 are on the next :)

also shout out to @coneyluke for inspiring all of these!!!

"part 1" | "part 2" | "part 4"

Love Story

"That you were Romeo, you were throwin' pebble/And my daddy said, 'Stay away from Juliet'/And I was cryin' on the staircase/Beggin' you, 'Please don't go'"

this sounds like a no war/war ended early au where ozai is still nasty and probably racist and all that fire nation supremacy garbage but zuko just thinks katara is just the prettiest person ever and can't let it go.

"Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone/I'll be waiting, all there's left to do is run/You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess/It's a love story, baby, just say, 'Yes'"

katara does not care what people think and is like "c'mon zuko let's go forget about thlse losers" and he's like "you know that's a good point" and then they... spar idk. it's also got that "i'd drop everything for you" and that's so on brand. i don't think i need to remind anyone here that the lightning exists. also katara pulling a sokka. "you know where i come from im kind of like a princess myself"

"We keep quiet, 'cause we're dead if they knew/So close your eyes/Escape this town for a little while"

ozai is not happy and zuko is afraid but don't worry katara is a master waterbender. they would just sit and daydream tho i think.

"'Cause you were Romeo, I was a scarlet letter "

i see your "scarlet letter is katara" and raise you "zuko is the scarlet letter bc fire" or whatever, but maybe they can both be the letter im fine with that

"Romeo, save me, they're tryna tell me how to feel/This love is difficult, but it's real/Don't be afraid, we'll make it out of this mess"

i can totally see zuko freaking out about all of the drama that comes with stupid ppl not realizing how iconic katara is bc that is also very zutara of taylor. and also no one can truly tear zutara apart and they do always make it out the messes <3

You Belong With Me

"You're on the phone with your girlfriend, she's upset/She's going off about something that you said/'Cause she doesn't get your humor like I do"

i mean no hate to m/ai buuuuut... she is upset a lot and that does fit. katara and mai handle zuko very differently, but m/ai's anger/upset-ness seems to mostly come out when she and zuko are having a spat. m/ai and zuko also dont get each other in general-- not just the humor thing. it reminds me of when sneezy reviews put this section in her zutara video with a lot of fancy words that basically boil down to "she doesn't get your need to free the world from your father like i do" so like... yessss zutara understanding each other that's like a good chunk of the appeal (for me at least).

"And she'll never know your story like I do"

same kind of concept as before, but scar. catacombs and scar touching/understanding scar absolute classic zutara.

"If you could see that I'm the one/Who understands you/Been here all along/So, why can't you see?/You belong with me"

i mean... just sayin'. zuko can be a bit of an oblivious airhead sometimes (we love that about him tho).

"And you've got a smile/That can light up this whole town/I haven't seen it in a while/Since she brought you down/You say you're fine, I know you better than that/Hey, what you doing with a girl like that?"

again, m/ai and zuko don't get each other and katara is not having it bc she does get zuko and she is very conveniently in love with him if he would just use his brain and notice.

"Oh, I remember you driving to my house/In the middle of the night/I'm the one who makes you laugh/When you know you're 'bout to cry/And I know your favorite songs/And you tell me 'bout your dreams/Think I know where you belong/Think I know it's with me"

again we got our girl katara saying "buddy i understand you and can give you mutual care you deserve bc you're wonderful" and also the night driving gives nightmare comfort and oh no they accidentally fell asleep together and that's very good zutara energy and coincidentally one of my favorite tropes.

Come Back... Be Here

"You said it in a simple way/4:00 a.m. the second day/How strange that I don't know you at all/Stumbled through the long goodbye/One last kiss, then catch your flight/Right when I was just about to fall"

this has post-war teenage zutara. they've just kind of had their "i might like you" moment and they're saying their goodbyes and we get another southern raiders like hug and katara is off to rebuild her home with her family and they're teetering on the edge of something, but split.

"I told myself, don't get attached/But in my mind, I play it back/Spinning faster than the plane that took you"

and like once the adrenaline of being home and the war being over and everything wears off, they're just thinking about each other...

"And this is when the feeling sinks in/I don't wanna miss you like this"

...and then they have that "oh no i might be in love with them"

"I don't wanna need you this way/Come back, be here"

zuko is just wishing he'd asked katara to stay or come back or just something. he thinks about her all the time and he knows that katara would be able to help him with all of the chaos and finding his mom and he just suddenly is in desperate need of her and is fighting that need with all he's got.

katara is working hard in the south pole and she's kind of stuck doing what she was before, and she has a while to spend thinking and (ofc) she's thinking about zuko and how they would do chores on ember island together. they shared the burden and she wonders how he's doing bc she's feeling overloaded and somehow underwhelmed at the same time and needs zuko's help.

"Taxi cabs and busy streets/That never bring you back to me/I can't help but wish you took me with you"

trade is increasing between the nations and zuko always races down to the docks at top speed when he spots the water tribe ships, but it's never what he hoped for and he knows it's stupid to keep doing, but he just does it. katara sees the ships return and leave and considers hopping on one every day. she's wishing she'd stayed with zuko.

"This is falling in love in the cruelest way/This is falling for you and you are worlds away/In New York, be here/But you're in London, and I break down/'Cause it's not fair that you're not around"

i mean... kinda makes sense if you've read the whole thing but they're just slowly appreciating the other more and more and falling in love and suffering bc they're not together, but one katara decides she's had enough and low-key hijacks a ship, bends it there at top speed. zuko watches it pull in at a really strange hour and does his whole dashing to the docks routine, and katara is there!!! and they hug and stuff but then she passes out bc she was doing some pretty intense waterbending. and then it's happily ever after bc i say so <3

Enchanted

"Your eyes whispered, 'Have we met?'/'Cross the room your silhouette/Starts to make its way to me/The playful conversation starts/Counter all your quick remarks/Like passing notes in secrecy"

did someone say... oma and shu reincarnation au??? if they didn't, i did bc look they just click they get each other. zutara understanding is immediate but like... then zuko makes a bad choice but like it is crazy how quickly they identify what's making the other upset and respond appropriately. very reincarnation of them.

"This is me praying that/This was the very first page/Not where the story line ends/My thoughts will echo your name, until I see you again/These are the words I held back, as I was leaving too soon/I was enchanted to meet you/Please don't be in love with someone else/Please don't have somebody waiting on you"

this feels like the betrayal part of the au where they're having a crisis bc zuko made dumb choice and he's like "i wanna go back this is not what i wanted" and katara is just like "i wanna see you again but also i hate you how dare you this is so complicated don't date knife girl" or something like that.

Out of the Woods

"Looking at it now/Last December/(Last December)/We were built to fall apart/Then fall back together"

catacombs to the southern raiders??? post war zutara?!?! either one is good with me.

"Ooh, your necklace hanging from my neck/The night we couldn't quite forget/When we decided, we decided/To move the furniture so we could dance/Baby, like we stood a chance/Two paper airplanes flying, flying, flying"

zutara + necklace = important!!! zuko holding onto katara's energy kinda thing and this might be a little dumb but like the furniture reminds me of their differences and setting them aside to be together.

"Remember when we couldn't take the heat?/I walked out, I said "I'm setting you free"/But the monsters turned out to be just trees/When the sun came up you were looking at me"

the heat you say? i do know a firebender in this relationship... but "setting katara free" feels very on brand zutara to me bc he doesn't want her to get all mixed up in the fire nation drama but katara is not having it and beats everyone up or something and then she's looking at him and then it's all good! (probably)

Begin Again

"He didn't like it when I wore high heels/But I do"

kata*ng right after the war. aang is still short and gets a little fussy when katara wore heels to be taller.

"Turn the lock and put my headphones on/He always said he didn't get this song/But I do, I do"

a*ng just not getting katara. he doesn't get her songs like he doesn't understand her.

"Walked in expecting you'd be late/But you got here early and you stand and wave"

a*ng was always late but now our boy zuko is here!!! and zuko feels like a punctual guy to me personally, so if you wanna avoid this part, valid.

"You pull my chair out and help me in/And you don't know how nice that is/But I do"

reminds me of zuko just casually doing stuff around camp to help and not thinking about it but katara can't stop thinking about it. A*ang isn't bad, he just doesn't think to pull the chair out to ease katara's burdens.

"I've been spending the last eight months/Thinking all love ever does/Is break and burn, and end/But on a Wednesday in a cafe/I watched it begin again"

kata*ng ends. katara thinks that she blew it with the avatar and she's stupid for dumping him but she knew she had to do it (like the back of her hand you might say). she thinks it's over and she can't do better, but she and zuko fall in love and suddenly she can see everything clearing up.

"And we walked down the block, to my car/And I almost brought him up/But you start to talk about the movies/That your family watches every single Christmas/And I want to talk about that/And for the first time/What's past is past"

katara almost talks about a*ng the ex but zuko is telling her about his mother and his old traditions with her, like the turtleneck pond and katara doesn't even want to talk about the avatar ex situation anymore bc she and zuko have missing moms to bond over.

Run

"And my so-called friends, they don't know/I'd drive away before I let you go"

zutara is pretty much canonically the ride or die type of relationship and i really don't think the gaang truly knows how ride or die they are.

"There's a chain 'round your throat, piece of paper where I wrote/'I'll wait for you'"

zuko was chillin in the fire nation until katara returns and he sent her a little notes while she was gone about how he missed her but was sure it would be worth the wait. katara is shook and her cheeks turn pink.

"And run, like you'd run from the law/Darling, let's run/Run from it all/We can go where our eyes can take us/Go where no one else is, run"

zutara knows all about running from the law lol. they are professionals they can get in anywhere like the sneaky little criminals they are. but again, this has their ride or die energy. they don't care what anyone else says because they love each other and that's what matters.

"I could see this view a hundred times/Pale blue sky reflected in your eyes"

blue eyes. that's it.

"There's a heart on your sleeve/I'll take it when I leave/And hold it for you"

they're not subtle. we all saw the lightning. their hearts are definitely on their sleeves if not the entire shirt.

"There's been this hole in my heart/This thing was a shot in the dark/Say you'll never let 'em tear us apart/And I'll hold onto you while we run"

zuko's always had a hole in his heart and the gaang helps to fix it-- especially katara. zuko is loved and the hole is gone <3. and again, zutara is all about staying together despite it all.

Long Live

"We were the kings and the queens/And they read off our names/The night you danced like you knew/Our lives would never be the same"

end of the war when zuko is the fire lord and you know what katara 100% counts as the one who beat azula. i can see zuko and katara dancing after the war at a like celebration before she goes home and talking about how different everything is now.

"You held your head like a hero/On a history book page/It was the end of a decade/But the start of an age"

i don't really know what to even say just look at zuko at his coronation. he is ending the war and starting a new age. that's not strictly zutara but idc. zuko is very important lol.

"Long live the walls we crashed through/How the kingdom lights shined just for me and you/I was screaming long live all the magic we made/And bring on all the pretenders/One day, we will be remembered"

zutara winning the war and then fire nation party for besting azula and they're just generally celebrating. they've won and will go down in history.

"And the cynics were outraged/Screaming, 'This is absurd!' 'Cause for a moment a band of thieves/In ripped-up jeans got to rule the world"

this has the energy of people arguing about who is supposed go rule the fire nation and some are just aghast at the concept of fire lord katara.

"Long live all the mountains we moved/I had the time of my life fighting dragons with you/I was screaming long live that look on your face"

again the gaang ended a war that is a mountain moved. and also azula counts as a dragon i have decided and it is the truth now you can't take it back.

"Will you take a moment/Promise me this/That you'll stand by me forever"

zutara!!! forever!!! like we deserved.

"But if God forbid fate should step in/And force us into a goodbye/If you have children some day/When they point to the pictures/Please tell them my name"

this could be so tragic with the canon implications where they get split after the lightning/healing and put with their other partners and rarely see/interact with each other. just telling them about the other and-- it's killing me.

"Tell them how the crowds went wild/Tell them how I hope they shine"

they both would wish each other's children goodwill if they were forced apart. imagine them telling their children about the agni kai and trying not to get lost in that moment and those feelings bc even when they've greyed they're still just as strong and know they'd do it again if they had to.

#zutara #zuko #katara #anti kataang #anti aang #anti mai #anti maiko #those are just to be safe #i dont want anyone seeing stuff that'll upset them #but for real #taylor supports zutara #taylor swift is maybe the biggest zutara stan #the evidence speaks for itself

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midnightsconspiracy · 4 years ago

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Grief-Stricken Pt.2

Grief - Stricken Pt. 2 - @midnightsconspiracy

Summary: This is the aftermath of losing your baby and how you manage to rebuild your lives up once again

Warnings: Talk of MISCARRIAGE

Word Count: 1181

Requested: Yes!!

'Can we get a sequel to Grief-stricken where Reader and Hank heal, and maybe he realizes he does want a baby after all?'

A/N: Requests are closing soon so send in all your last ones before the 27th!!

Masterlist

Grief was a funny thing really. It worked in mysterious ways. For some people it drives them to the edge, losing touch with reality, causing relationships to split and end for good. But other times it pulled couples together, sticking with one another to deal with that loss and grieve accordingly. No one could adequately prepare you to handle your grief though, experiencing emotions beyond what you thought possible.

It was hard at first, feeling completely numb to anything around, including your boyfriend, who was struggling just as much. It had been hard on the both of you, the tragedy hitting you so unexpectedly. But, Hank continued going to go to the police station, not knowing anything other than being surrounded by his work, keeping all his emotions pent up, just waiting for them to crack. You on the other hand refused to leave the house, spending the majority of your days laying in bed, staring at the wall, mind void of any thoughts. When you did eventually move from that spot, you'd go to the couch, watching mindless tv in the hopes it would lift your spirits. Each night when Hank would come back, you would eat in silence before heading up to bed for a night of avoiding talking and any forms of affection. This lasted a couple of months, never having felt more distance between the two of you. But, after too long, you craved some comfort and communication from the one you were supposed to love the most.

Unbeknownst to you, Hank had broken down a couple days previously, having bottled his emotion up so much to the point of no return. In true Voight fashion, he'd buried himself so far into his work, that one particular case involving a newborn child had triggered him. So he had filled the night with crying whilst drinking his sorrows away.

Having spent that night sleeping in his office, he returned the subsequent evening, needing to talk to you properly. Stepping into the house he found you on the couch, staring at a blank screen as if there was something there.

"Y/N?" He whispered, wanting to catch your attention without scaring you. Turning your head at the sudden noise, you noticed the figure of your boyfriend, a sombre look on his face. Moving out from the centre of the sofa you tapped the space next to you, inviting him to come join. Bringing you into his arms, he held you tight, an unspoken conversation of love happening between you. Tears formed in your eyes, not being able to keep yourself composed at the feeling of your boyfriend's warmth once again.

"Im sorry, it's all my fault," you sobbed, everything you had wanted to say that heartbreaking night now resurfacing.

"It's not your fault sweetheart, none of this is your fault, it's that bastard's." He reassured, pulling you completely on top of him before making you look him in the eye, portraying all his emotions.

"And im so sorry for what I said, it was stupid and I didn't mean any of it." After months of dwelling on this, you realised that maybe he didn't think it was your fault, that you couldn't have done anything to stop it from happening.

"I love you," you whispered, your face in the crook of his neck, his shirt absorbing the tears you shed.

"I love you too, so, so much and we can move forward from this with our relationship, always with the baby in our hearts."

And that's what you did, took each week, day by day. Slowly regaining each other's trust and allowing yourself to rejoin society. You would now talk to each other if something was wrong, sleep next to each other and showed affection whenever you felt like it. The love you had for him was coming back, restored from how much it had slipped in your depressive episode. He was the best person you could ask for, reducing his hours at work to make sure you were happy and safe, being all-around perfect boyfriend material. Going back to work was still a long way off but you were now willing to go outside, whether that was shopping or a routine doctor's appointment. Things were starting to look up, a future where you would be with Hank, happy and potentially with your own family.

The year after the initial event had gone by pretty quick, the last seven months allowing you to rebuild the foundations of your relationship. Things had, for the most part, gone back to normal, your work, your life, your whole relationship. The baby always seemed to linger at the back of your mind though. No longer in a way that made you feel depressed, but instead with a small smile, not of happiness, but of what could have been. Neither of you had bought up the topic of children again, both afraid of what the other would say. However, the question played on your minds, wondering what life might be like with a kid. Hank's mind had been changed over the past year, no longer thinking that starting a family was a mistake, instead, that it was something that he wanted. But he knew how much the loss had hurt you, not wanting to bring up any repressed memories.

Stepping through the threshold of your shared house, he spotted you in the kitchen, walking up behind you and wrapping his arms around your waist.

"Hi my love, how was your day off?" As a condition of your going back to work, your ever so protective boyfriend insisted you took one day during the week off, alongside the weekends. You had refused at first, just wanting everything to get back to normal and that was not helping at all. But you had reluctantly agreed, knowing he would not back down otherwise.

"It was ok, I missed you though and I cooked dinner!' You chirped back, excited to finally see him again. Wrapping your arms around his neck, you pecked his lips, the mere presence of him bringing a smile to your face.

"I missed you too sweetheart, but I wanted to talk to you about something. It's nothing serious I promise." Squeezing his arms around your waist, he smiled, reassuring you that it wasn't a bad thing.

'I was thinking about somethings later, how would you feel about another child," he spoke softly, approaching the issue lightly, knowing it could go either way.

"I don't know Hank, I really want to but im scared," you replied, surprised at the fact he bought this up, but also terrified that something might happen again.

"I know you are and I am too, but if we do, we go at your pace, step by step." Reassuring you to make sure you were ok with it was his priority, you were it for him and he couldn't risk jeopardising anything, even if it meant not having another baby.

"Ok, step by step, promise?" You asked, shyly looking at him in order to comfort you in all of this.

"I promise"

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Taglist: @mileika @redpoodlern @ohitshanksgirlxo @chazubagi @scarletsoldierrr @cindydoll2 @anotherfan07 @one-sweet-gubler

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#chicago pd #chicago pd imagines #chicago pd x reader #one chicago #hank voight x reader #hank voight #hank voight imagines

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sanchoyo · 3 years ago

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danny phantom season 2, eps 1-5 thoughts! opening the new season with episodes like these kinda blew me away. we had multiple serious episodes INCLUDING a two parter!! also, valerie :)

see prev episode thoughts in this tag <3

-I don't know what I expected s2 to open with. but danny portal incident in more detail was not it. (also, I hate to break it to you, sam, but danny's parent's bigass ghost hunting rv def chugs more gas than those vehicles, lmao. unless it runs on ectoplasm or something...)

-WHY WAS DESIREE IN THE SEWER? HAVING TEA WITH IT DOWN THERE?? Her making the giant cow come alive is a boss move, we've almost had all of my fav animals as ghosts now <3 I also don't like how sam was expecting danny to just, haunt the place so the cars wouldn't get sold? I KNOWWW I know she's 14 (and I had a very annoying phase like this, I think I mentioned in a previous post, I GET IT) but they're HIS powers, and messing with (1) dealership will not really put a dent in sales overall because they can just move the cars to another sales lot, and it certainly wont change the industry anyway, it's more of a minor annoyance for (1) location. Also, usually people who work at car sales places work on commission, so if they dont make a sale, they don't have money to pay bills, or eat. sam baby if u wanna be an activist you need to like, actually look into these things. with as much money as her parents have, she could be doing a lot..more useful things for causes she cares about? it's frustrating to see someone with resources who doesn't know how to use them. but shes 14 so again. cannot be really upset :/

-IS THIS A PREDATOR VS TERMINATOR VS FREDDY KRUEGER MOVIE BUT THEYRE ALL WOMEN?? you know, sam is so right to be excited about this. /I/ want to see this movie. that rules

-paulina inviting danny and friends to her quinceañera, aw! even if it is just to get phantom to show up :') and there'll be a meteor shower, and we KNOW danny wants to be an astronaut!! there's not a meteor shower every night!! the tickets are non-refundable, but..she's rich? like. gotta agree with danny, they never get invited!! I KNOW it's the principle of keeping promises, but if she was that upset, she should've said something. directly. I hated how she was like, passive aggressive about it through the episode, like you SAID IT WAS FINE, THAT YOU'D GO TO THE PARTY TOO. MOVIES SHOW FOR A FEW WEEKS IN THEATERS. IF YOU HAD A REAL PROBLEM YOU NEED TO TALK ABOUT IT. WE'VE HAD THIS PROBLEM BEFORE, SAM. YOUR FRIENDS. ARE NOT. MIND READERS.

-MR. LANCER GOING AFTER THE GHOST WITH THE FIRE EXTINGISHER LMAO

-this outfit is everything . anytime the show does an over the top cutesty pink outfit i WANT IT. it looks like shit I wear JKASDHF I HAVE a bow like that and a pink sweater. I need leg warmers </3

-SAMS GOTTA RE-HALF-KILL HIM??? thats fucked up. but also, he finally got his logo!! it took until s2!!! this episode was lowkey very fucked and I felt like it glossed over a lot. does sam have guilt about like. kinda KILLING HIM?? I know, he also agreed and walked into the portal. but. she made the choice to redo it SO quickly (even if it was because someone had to beat desiree) and danny, during their fight, brought up a lot of stuff sam's done in the past, meaning he was holding onto those memories and resentment was building. (I KEEP SAYING HE LOWKEY NEEDS THERAPY, BUT I THINK MOST EVERYONE IN THIS SHOW KINDA DOES) which...is a red flag? and then they didnt even GO to the party URGH I know she tried to make up for it, but it really felt like Sam fucked up and barely faced any consequences and got everything she wanted in the end. I KNOW it's a kids show obv they aren't going to go too in depth, and she undid the damage, kinda, but...I DUNNO how to articulate it but it rubbed me the wrong way.

-but on a note about desiree, her powers of wishes were STRONG ENOUGH TO ERASE NOT JUST THEIR MEMORIES, BUT DANNY'S POWERS?! fuck, if I was danny I'd be like, trying to make friends with her. I know they always have horrible side effects as most genie-granted wishes do, but...c'mon, I'd at least TRY to be like 'I wish no ghosts would hurt anyone in my town' or 'I wish vlad would lose his ghost powers forever no matter What and also forget about my mom' LIKE. SHIT DESIREE IS SO POWERFUL. rewriting reality powerful, basically!! appreciate her. respect her.

-aww, sam helping tucker pass the nurse's office so he wouldn't see because he's afraid of medical stuff? very sweet. I also don't like medical stuff, I've gotten a lot better at handling it tho. but seeing blood and needles still makes me feel lightheaded x_x

-FOLEY, BY TUCKER FOLEY. I want to make my own perfume, that's so cool. even if his first attempt isn't good, he's pretty consistently shown to have an inventor/entrepreneur streak in the show, so like. I can see him inventing or making something (or several somethings) that make him $$$ when he grows up :) proud of my creative son

-I know the 'creepy abandoned hospital on the edge of town' is a joke and the creepy hospital trope is so Worn Out, but in my town we actually DO have a hospital like that! my dad was born in it, but its not in use and hasn't been for, like, 20 years! it needs to be torn down but I think the city doesn't wanna pay the money. the inside is horrible, spray painted and broken glass and shit everywhere. but there's still like, rusty equipment and fucking DOLLS all over the place. the cops drive by it pretty frequently to make sure no one is like, breaking in. (because of water damage, some of the areas really aren't safe. also, asbestos, but people still go in anyway) but also, some of my town was used in a filming for a stephen king show. So it's lowkey spooky all over. just a fun personal tidbit :) to lead into saying, any hospital abandoned for any period of time is NOT safe to quarantine these kids in JKSAHDKF like I KNOW it's a ghost trying to do this, but NONE of these parents are even like, 'well, why dont we keep them in the regular, working hospital'....YIKES. this hospital looks pretty accurate to the one in town. grungy and spooky.

-fentons are tax evaders confirmed by jack's fear of being audited, lol no one is surprised

-ghost sickness via ghost bugs. horrifying concept. I actually expected it to be a new villain, not dr. spectra again! this is a very elaborate scheme. her new form rules, love the new costume. the way none of the bg kids seem to recognize her as their old school councilor. did we just forget about that completely?

-dash watching romance movies in the fucked up ghost hospital. same.

-'oh please, you're ghosts, do you have any idea what YOU smell like?' no, tucker, what DO ghosts smell like? I genuinely didn't know they would even have a smell, I actually want to know now.

-it feels like a while since we've seen jazz!! i was happy to see her again, even if she was a head in a jar for most the episode. I want another jazz-focused ep!!

-we finally see danny doing space-related stuff!! him and his friends stargazing to open ep 3 of s2. cute :) until, GHOST PIRATES!!!!! ...ghost pirate captain is a small child?? VOICED BY TAYLOR LAUTNER???

-oh, the easy listening is ember's song instrumental slowed. 'vapor drone' THEY VAPORWAVED HER!!! ember in a pirate outfit tho >>>>. and the cruise being called m.bersback JKASDHJK. ember adopting a little pirate brother is also pretty cute. concerning this teen and little kid have such bad opinions of adults, like, who hurt you?? (how did you DIE ALSO?? im always lowkey curious about that. we know desiree died at an old age, but her ghost form is young, probably mid-20s, so I wonder how that sort of thing works...its a more mental thing, isn't it?) but ghost team-ups are always cool to see, even if ember bailed after danny took her guitar. I guess she probably thinks youngblood can handle it (which, he's been owning danny this far in the ep, so...fair)

-tucker got that sponsorship from nasty burger for their radio!!! again, opportunistic money maker king, love to see it!!!

-danny taking control of the kids SO FAST. he makes a pretty great leader. no one is surprised, im pretty sure I said I think he's the most mature of the trio, once again, correct, because he's taken on so much responsibility already. all the teens suiting up in the jumpsuits to go save the adults and taking the ship over with a BLIMP. OKAY LETS GO. this feels like it should be a mid finale or straight up finale.

-...speaking of finales. why is ep 4-5 of s2 combined into a 50 minute episode? I havent even clicked play and im concerned. weird placement, like, this season JUST started and we're getting a two parter? okay...why are the episodes placed like this? why not put this at episode 10 or something, for a mid-season thing?

-this is also a cute dress. possibly my fav dress so far. can her parents give ME cute dresses, I'LL wear them.

-it turns out the castle fright knight was in is called pariah's keep and there's something worse than fright knight in there! lovely! fuck off vlad wtf are you doing <3 your hubris <3 is going to literally get you killed <3 'ring of rage' and 'crown of fire' are great names tho. ...vlad turning into a super polite guy when he was scared of mr. pariah was hilarious. and fright knight doing the same...I mean, it makes sense, he's a knight, he serves a king? happy to see fright knight again either way :) vlad telling him to call him tho, lmfao. you WISH HE WOULD. (I wish hed call me, too. 😔)

-so...jack being genuinely concerned about vlad...maddie really didn't tell him what happened at the cabin, did she. damn. if I was her id immediately come home and be like 'YOU WONT BELIEVE THIS SHITTTT THIS CREEPY GUY--' like, I feel like that stuff you need to tell your partner!!! I know she didnt want Jack to think she was an irresponsible parent putting danny in danger at that time, but STILLLL. maddie spilling boiling tea on him. get his ass. how is jack this oblivious to his wife's discomfort with vlad!! ughhh

-fenton wipe (tm). trademarked toilet paper.

-DANNY AND VALERIE BEING FRIENDS??? :D that was a cute moment. 'hey val <3' and 'if you like him like him, make a move, or someone else will ;)' at sam...damn!! I love her. valerie go for it girl!!! I hate how sam and tucker treat val also, like I GET IT YOURE PROTECTIVE AND DONT TRUST but if anything him befriending valerie will help when she finds out or he tells her like I feel like she'll be more understanding that they think! ALSO I feel like her reason for not liking ghosts is valid, like you haven't really explained the full story to her anyway! she doesn't seem to have any other friends after being booted from the a-listers so im like :( but seeing them kick butt together again was nice <3

-the ghosts all RUNNING FROM PARIAH DARK IS NOT GOOD, I thought he sent them to attack or something, but no. why doesn't someone just tell desiree 'hey i wish pariah dark would die' lol. once again I think she can solve every problem <3 but seeing all the enemies in one place, being civil and hiding together? love it.

-you just know danny's gonna have to clean up vlad's stupid mess. also, jack being willing to put on the ectoskeleton pants to help maddie, as soon as vlad heard it could kill him, he suggested jack do it instead of helping maddie himself? this is why jack got the girl, my man.

-ghost skeletons. how do you end up as a skeleton ghost in your afterlife instead of a humanoid like most the ones we've seen? lmao

-the ghosts just making new homes in various stores. I'd totally be setting up in an expensive clothing store if I was a ghost.

-valerie's dad is possibly the most useful adult so far, with that ghost shield expansion!!! and valerie saving vlad and danny, even tho shes been thru it already, shes still so good!!! this family rules.

-danny: *gently caresses valerie* :)

-*then he immediately TELLS HER DAD ON HER. and his first response is 'are you okay?' :'( such a good dad...

-*me every time fright knight breathes* youre doing SO great sweetie :)

-the fenton suit thing is so silly looking. does anyone take this thing seriously

-ALL THE GHOSTS FIGHTING WITH DANNY <3 AAAAA. and the fact that pariah isn't perma-defeated, but just locked away again. yikes. he'll probably get out again, won't he? it wasn't too clear, but if vlad DID make a pact with fright knight, I am rabid. I will beat vlad to death with the fenton bat (tm). YOU DONT DESERVE A COOL KNIGHT.

-valerie being direct with sam and challenging her? kinda love that, even tho I normally don't like 'catfight' type situations. because sam has been very passive aggressive about it which is annoying. valerie knows wtf she wants and wasn't even embarrassed to tell sam, but she did tell her, giving sam time to make her own move! and sam denied it and got embarrassed/mad! and sam did have a chance when danny was about to go off and fight, and she hesitated and didn't tell him. I feel like she's hesitating because they're friends and it might make it weird between the trio (poor tucker would be third-wheeling) but if u snooze u lose, u gotta GO after what u WANT girl. smh this is a No Tsundere Zone. 😤

#sanchoyorambles #dp thoughts #danny phantom

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cartoonfangirl1218 · 4 years ago

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I liked your ava post, do you have more aboout usm. The WHOle usm team?

I can’t say I have many many hcs but I’ll give you where I think they might end up after SHIELD, and two songs that fit them if that works.

Peter: I don't know why but I feel like Peter would want to look for his parents once he leaves SHIELD and while doing so, he ends up in a lot of team ups and building up more of his rogues gallery. Basically I imagine stuff from the comic with spider clones, dating MJ, briefly rejoins the Avengers then leaves. Yeah I don't have much for him since comic history leaves people to choose what they want. Imagine Dragon's Beliver because he does have such a heavy pain inside, but that's the thing, he keeps it inside until he snaps them into his fight for justice. "First things first, I'ma say all the words inside my head. I'm fired up and tired of the way that things have been, The way that things have been.Second thing second, Don't you tell me what you think that I could be. I'm the one at the sail, I'm the master of my sea...Taking my message from the veins. Speaking my lesson from the brain. Seeing the beauty through the pain!"

Danny: I'd like to think that he stays in NY to start Heroes for Hire with Luke as soon as they leave SHIELD. They're bros, and he justifies the absence that New York needs Iron Fist more than K'Lun for the moment. He also tries his hand at getting Rand Industries back on track. I also think he does return to K'Lun eventually as King and mystical head. After his work at Rand Industries, he feels more confident as a leader and is willing to stand up to the monks when it comes with changing some of the old ways. Allowing him to travel back to NY to see his friends while keeping the mystical origins of K'Lun sacred. I think Nature Boy rather fits him, soft and melodious and Danny learning he is not alone sort of. "There was a boy. A very strange enchanted boyThey say he wandered very far..Very far over land and sea. A little shy and sad of eye. But very wise, was he." Les Miserables’ Who am I mainly because I imagine Danny has some identity issues between feeling worthy of the Iron Fist, feeling torn between the US and K'Lun. Ideally, he would end up learning being one does not give up the other part of himself. As one would say they can coexist in a balance. "Who am I? Can I conceal myself forever more.. Pretend I’m not the man I was before?....How can I ever face my fellow men? How can I ever face myself again?"

Luke: As said above, with Danny, when they leave SHIELD, they create Heroes for Hire, they ride or die forever. Together they clean up their part of New York and Luke comes to terms with some of his past and the people he dealt with in jail. He also meets Jessica Jones during this time and she becomes his new partner (in more ways than one) when Danny leaves for K'Lun. He sometimes does freelance work for SHIELD, mainly at the behest of his parents, sometimes as a favor to Fury. He also sometimes comes by the Helicarrier to be a surprise mentor to whatever new hero they pick up. He is the main instigator of team reunions.

Adam Levine’s If I got locked away totally fits him after the time he spent in jail and scared of being seen as weak, it really fits him and his insecurities. "If I got locked away And we lost it all today. Tell me honestly, would you still love me the same? If I showed you my flaws. If I couldn't be strong. Tell me honestly, would you still love me the same?" One call away also fits him simply for his caring nature and how he'll do anything for his friends, "I'm only one call away. I'll be there to save the daySuperman got nothing on me. I'm only one call away/ Call me, baby, if you need a friend. I just wanna give you love...No matter where you go, know you're not alone. I'm only one call away."

Ava: I think once Ava leaves SHIElD, she has some trouble with the amulet whether form being on her own, knowing SHIELD isn't there watching her every move or just cockiness that she can handle it now. Either way, I see her as taking a break from the amulet. Reasoning her father wanted her to keep it safe, it didn't mean she had to put it on and be a hero. Ideally, she goes to therapy to work through all these issues before ever putting it on again. I imagine she goes home to PR too. I think she could go into bounty hunting, it's more freelance, she helps put baddies away and she can put her investigative skills to good use. Eventually she'd be White Tiger again but for more superpowered threats than every day patrolling. Just breathe from In the Heights not only for the spanish influences but also the utter fear of returning a failure, "Straighten the spine. Smile for the neighbors. Everything's fine, everything's cool. The standard reply: Lots of tests, lots of papers. Smile, wave goodbye and pray to the sky, "Oh God!" And what will my parents say? Can I go in there and say, "I know I'm letting you down..." Alyssa Greene from The Prom. The lyrics speak for themselves of the utter perfectionism and drive, "The hair has to be perfect. The As have to be straight...Trophies have to be first place. Ribbons have to be blue. There's always some competition or hoops for jumping through. Just have everything perfected by the time you reach eighteen"

Sam: Admittedly I don't know much about Nova lore or backstory as the others but I think he'll go back to space. Not necessarily as part of the Guardians because honestly I think they had enough members without him. Maybe as a solo act before he finds the other Nova Corps. I definitely see him as becoming a trainer there, finally being the leader he always wanted to be. I also want him to reconnect with his family so he does travel back to Earth to visit them and then swoops by NY for some reunion with his old team before heading back to space.

Bieber’s Lonely fits Sam because at the heart of it all, I think that's what he is. Lonely, he's still young and trying to navigate these powers and his place in the world and space and what his identity is. And no one else can quite get that. "Everybody knows my name now. But somethin' 'bout it still feels strangeLike lookin' in a mirror, tryna steady yourself and seein' somebody else. And everything is not the same now. It feels like all our lives have changed Maybe when I'm older, it'll all calm down. But it's killin' me now. What if you had it all, nut nobody to call? Maybe then you'd know me 'cause I've had everything. But no one's listening and that's just f- lonely." Shawn Mendes' Wonder works for similar reasons. Mainly I imagine him singing it to his missing father who inherited so much but knows nothing personally about him, "I wonder why I'm so afraid of saying something wrong, I never said I was a saint. I wonder, when I cry into my hands. I'm conditioned to feel like it makes me less of a man and I wonder if someday you'll be by my side and tell me that the world will end up alright. I wonder..I wonder." And then a party song for each

Sam: All I do is win by DJ Khaled "All I do is win, win, win no matter what. Got money on my mind, I can never get enough ('Nough) And every time I step up in the building Everybody hands go up And they stay there And they stay there, up, down, up, down, up, down 'Cause all I do is win (Win), win (Win), win And if you going in put your hands in the air, make 'em stay there"

Luke: Finesse by Bruno Mars, "We out here drippin' in finesseIt don't make no sense Out here drippin' in finesse You know it, you know it We out here drippin' in finesse It don't make no sense Out here drippin' in finesse You know it, you know it"

Peter: Another one bites the dust by Queen "nother one bites the dustAnother one bites the dust And another one gone and another one gone Another one bites the dust Hey I'm gonna get you too Another one bites the dust"

Danny: Normally, I don't think Danny would be into party music, too much cursing, too much noise to distort the mind, that stuff. But Rihanna is catchy. "I wanna take you away, let's escape into the music, DJ, let it playI just can't refuse it, like the way you do this Keep on rockin' to it Please don't stop the, please don't stop the music I wanna take you away, let's escape into the music, DJ, let it play I just can't refuse it, like the way you do this Keep on rockin' to it Please don't stop the, please don't stop the, please don't stop the music"

Ava: Woman by Ke$ha "I'm a motherfucking woman, baby, alright I don't need a man to be holding me too tight I'm a motherfucking woman, baby, that's right I'm just having fun with my ladies here tonight I'm a motherfucker" This other cool blog is much more into USM and has tons of hcs if you want more of this stuff, @im-rewriting-ultimate-spider-man

#ultimate spiderman #usm #peter parker #spider man #ava ayala #white tiger #danny rand #iron fist #luke cage #power man #sam alexander #nova #my hcs #my headcanons

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nessaiscute · 3 years ago

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A great body

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” My husband asked me as we got out of the carraige.

“Ash dear.” I groaned, “Its going to be fine. I need to get away from Machina's tower and the nevernever. Don’t worry Glitch will make sure no one explodes the kingdom.”

Me and Ash have been married for a long time, I’ve learned so many things about him. Things that during the Ferum war I wouldn't believe if I told my past self. For one, Ash is a worry wort by nature, extremely. I trip one time and hes following me like a puppy. I'm a klutz, I’m going to trip. or when Kerrian was a toddler; Puck came by both Kerrian and his uncle went to play. Ash didn’t stop watching the gate once, and when Kerrian came home Ash glomped him. heh, Kerrian was confused as hell. Puck got a little offended. I’ve learned so many other things ‘bout him too. Too many to mention here, I love him more then anything.

“so out of all the places we could of went, why the beach?” My husband inquired.

I chuckled, good question, “its summer and I feel like showing off my body.”

“To who? I’m the only one thats gonna be there. The beach is technically closed.

I waited till his eyes were on me and then grinned, “exactly. The only one I want to be there.”

“Oh.” Ash realized and then I took his hand in mine and we walked towards the beach.

Humans can’t see fey unless we let them, i heard all the beaches were closed due to some virus. Our bodies are strong enough to handle this affliction and its only us, i doubt we’ll spread it back to the nevernever. Gods I hope not, I...

focus snapped my brain

But it was so hard, but not for a thinking reason. Ash’s hand was so warm, I wanted to cling to it forever. I didn’t want to let it go at all, I was so distracted I forgot bout the scorching heat. I found myself staring into Ash’s sliver eyes, He really is the only one in the world for me.

“Is something the matter my queen?” Ash asked.

“I haven’t told you how much i love you. thats what.”

That made him chuckle, “I love you too. However my queen i need to apply sunscreen to your back. Please let go of my hand.”

I slowly released my grip, the warn feeling leaving my hand and feeling very sad. Ash placed a towel on the sand and I sat on it. I felt Ash’s heart beat rise, if only slightly. Hes a stubborn cookie, he hasn’t commented on my attire at all, I'm wearing a red bikini with red panties, also my breasts have gotten much bigger since I became iron queen, I’m at least a D. But for some reason, I can’t seem to get Ash’s attention. he says I'm beautiful but would it kill him to stare at me once in a while? I’d love to feel his eyes on me, knowing there is lust in those eyes. feeling the desire and love for me.

Maybe... hes losing interest in me?

“Meghan are you okay?” Ash asked, “Your glamour is very low.”

He finished putting the lotion on my back, I was so lost i thought I didn’t notice. Ash then got in front of me, when he smiled my heart skipped a beat.

“Go play in the water love.” I told him, “Just yell out if you run into trouble.”

He pressed his lips to mine and ran off.

I puffed, he didn’t even notice my body...

I stared up at the blue sky, is Ash... really happy with me? Did I make a mistake saving him from the winter court? Does he blame me for our son turning traitor? Maybe...I was never attractive and hes just coping with the fact he married such an ugly wife.

swamp girl

I forgave but I never forgot high school Waldrop and the rest of the bullies. that nickname still hurts, its what everyone called me. Even Puck one time when he was mad at me. Am I... not beautiful? Am I even pretty? When we was younger Ash called me beautiful almost every chance he got, now? I don’t even think that idea crosses his mind.

“Wait a second..? Swamp girl??” said a confused voice.

my heart stung at that word I looked up and there was Scott Waldrop. Gods, not now. Humans can’t see me... wait a second, when I was younger he didn’t realize who I was without a name cause he was happy I was gone. but now? his hatred for me must of caused him to recall me therefore he can see me. Waldrop was with girl clung to his arm, I saw a ring on both of their fingers. Married, huh? Waldrop himself has seen way better days. Hes no longer lean and handsome, hes fat and has a bald spot on his head. his wife might look better but her hatred for me makes me afraid. She’s a red head with red lipstick and wearing a black bathing suit. her eyes green.

“Honey who is this?” Asked the woman.

“A real freak. heard you got kidnapped and killed.”

The smile that ran across his face when he mentioned kidnapped and killed, he really does hate me...

“Nope. Still kicking. I’ve just been living life.”

Waldrop noticed the gold ring on my finger. and he snarled, “holy crap the swamp girl got a sugar daddy??”

“Hes not a sugar daddy!” I snapped, “Hes my husband!”

“Don’t snap at my husband freak!!” Snapped the red head.

I was silenced for her scream was deafening.

“Yes mam...” I mumbled, “I’m sorry....”

“Wait a second, where is this ‘husband’? is he seeing his true love. are you being cheated on-”

“Maybe in your dreams.” Stated Ash as he approached.

“Ash??” I gasped, was he keeping track of me the whole time?

Waldrop’s wife checking out Ash made me sick, but Waldrops glare at Ash was making me even more mad.

“Who in the hell are you?”

“Don’t remember me Waldrop? not too shocking we didn’t have much contact when we were younger. But youre harassing my wife. Its going to stop.”

“I don’t believe that Scott dear, hes too... hot to be married to a freak like this.”

Ash twitched, and my heart dropped Ash didn’t bring his wedding ring. said he coulden’t find it, how would ash prove it? I thought my life was-

However Ash pulled up his hand and there was a gold ring on his finger. They both gasped.

“Wow you must of-”

one Glare from ash silenced them both, he has a habit of doing that.

“Get lost.” Ash snarled and they both stomped away.

Ash was fuming, i felt it, the anger in him was reaching unhealthy levels.

“Let me kill them.” Ash snarled.

“No you idiot! You can’t just kill people for no reason.”

“I have one.” “And that is..?”

“Look at you!” Ash shouted, “Youre shaking life a leaf! Is that how you were-”

Ash caught himself when he saw tears in my eyes. He then sat down next to me and played with my hair.

“Im so sorry Meghan.... I didn’t mean to yell. Can you forgive me? “

“Yes.” I sobbed.

Ash then curled his arm around me and pulled me in, my breasts pressing to his chest. I didn’t feel any heart beat rises. He must really-

“Ahem. I must apologize for my chest.”

“Pardon?” I asked.

“Touching your breasts. I don’t mean to offend you, it is not my intention to grope you.”

Wait a second...

“Ash have you been afraid to notice my body for this reason..? Or am I just not pretty to you?”

Ash has given people odd confused looks before, hes normally not one for nonsense but I have to take credit for the most confused look hes ever given someone.

“Not pretty to me? Meghan what the hell are you talking about? I think youre the most perfect woman in both the worlds. Have you really not noticed my eyes on you whenever youre not looking. I stare at you quiet often.”

Oh gods I feel so stupid, but at the same time... my heart is soaring. replacing all that sadness with a happy feeling that is impossible to contain.

Ash then softly cupped my breasts and I felt my face get a little warm.

“These are especially nice, I’ve noticed. Its just impolite to scream it out.”

I giggled, “Well they’re only for you. You should stare at them more often.”

Ash chuckled, “Very well. We should go home before I lose my patience again”

Before that I cupped his face and kissed his lips, he kissed back. My husband loves me, he thinks I’m beautiful. I love him so much. We got into the carriage and drove off.

While driving Ash kept looking at me sympathetically. We both knew what was on his mind.

“Yes, that was my life before Ethan got kidnapped.”

“I just don’t understand how people could be so mean to you.” Ash mumbled.

“I don’t get it either Ash. I don’t.... ever want to go back to that life.”

“And you won’t.” Ash stated as he curled his arms around me.

“Promise? Promise you won’t let me go back to that life....” Ash then kissed my ear “I promise. You’ll never go around those people.”

I don’t recall what happened after that. I just felt safe falling sleep in my husbands arms.

#Fall fey #for peter #i love him so much #hes been a really good friend #and i adore him #Meghan Chase #Ash Chase #scott waldrop #OC #Iron fey

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traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors · 3 years ago

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Just a stupid rant.

You see I lost contact with almost all of my friends this year, one of my best friends hates me now and she pretty much dropped me for her boyfriend hahah. I knew it. I could feel the distance between us growing and soon enough we just didn’t talk anymore and now I don’t even know if I have their number. I have a best friend or so she says I mean I’m insecure and stupid and I have no self esteem it’s not her fault but we live pretty far from each other and especially bcs of covid she moved back to her hometown and she has a lot of ppl she hangs out with and she has a new best friend who talks to her everyday and meets her and we haven’t talked in a while I mean she hasn’t initiated any contact and she’s meeting a lot of ppl and spending her days hanging out having fun so she doesn’t have time to get invested in me that much? I also don’t want to text her and bother her bcs I can always tell from her replies that she’s just not there. And we are in completely different places in our life right now. She’s around ppl she loves and has fun everyday and I’m so happy for her I’m happy that she’s happy and I’m here on tumblr blasting mitski in my earphones crying. Everyday feels so boring so empty so stupid and there’s just nothing to look forward to for me that’s what I mean when I say we’re in completely different places in our lives right now and I don’t wanna ruin it for her and I don’t wanna approach her bcs I’m scared that she’ll grow tired of me being sad and having these problems and needing reassurance everyday. I realised today how detached I am from everybody’s lives and how I don’t really have a place where I belong you know? All my friends have their friends who they hang out with and like better and I’m just here never moving never leaving just someone to come back to. Like something you think of when you have nothing to do. Just invisible. I’m sad I’m so sad bcs I have never had what they have I’ve never had friends who stay like that you know? I could never be confident claiming someone as my friend I’ve always been on guard and I don’t remember a single moment where I could put my worries to rest and just exist I’ve always made sure to not get too invested to not get attached bcs it always just I don’t know ends? I’m sorry u had to go through this stupid sob story Im just feeling really fucking lonely and just needed to vent really. Thanks for reading! :)

Also I read something about nicknames maybe u can use ‘Yulje’

Hi Yulje,

You are not alone. Young people have the highest percentage of loneliness across all age groups and the average length of a friendship is actually only 7 years. Most friendships do end as people's life stages change. This is especially common for people who know their friends from school or work or other situational things, the friendship often falls apart as soon as whatever common ground you had disappears. It's also really common for people to struggle to stay friends with their single friends once they've gotten into a serious relationship, especially if their single friends don't like or don't know the new significant other. The point is, there isn't necessarily anything wrong with you, and even though it's really easy to look from the outside and believe other people are doing so much better and finding it so much easier to maintain friends than you do, a lot of them are struggling with the same issues and feelings as you are.

And even if your friendships do always end, that doesn't mean that the time you had together is less real or valid, and doesn't mean that getting close or investing in the relationship is bad or a waste. There are still good memories to be cherished and ways in which they helped you grow or were important parts of your life. I'd rather have 4 amazing years with a friend knowing it might end someday and appreciating what we do have, than spend 7 years only barely connecting with them because I'm afraid it'll end. Being too afraid to connect often does cause friendships to end early, too.

If you're worried about driving people away because they can't handle you being sad or needing reassurance every day, maybe you can try finding ways to self-soothe and reassure yourself so that you only need other people to help and participate in reassuring you once in a while. One thing I like to do is screenshot all the reassuring messages other people have sent to me and look at them when I need reassurance instead of asking for more messages. Maybe that might help you.

- Mod Allison

#trauma talks #mod allison

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viostormcaller · 4 years ago

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Stringbound Chapter 2

[TW: nausea/vomiting, near car accident, needles, fainting (ask to tag if I’ve missed something!)]

AN: This has been ready for a good while, actually! I just haven’t posted it since I’ve been away. However, since it’s Marvin’s birthday, I thought it fitting to post this today. So, happy birthday, Marvin, and I duly apologize for the awful things that happen to you in this chapter. Now, without further ado, here’s chapter 2!

Read Chapter 1

As the tension finally dissipated from the theatre, Marvin could finally feel that the threat was gone. It was just them now. At first, he let himself calm down and relax while Jackieboy Man called whoever it was he needed to call and informed them on the situation. But then, it hit him all at once, just as the adrenaline from the fight wore off. A dizzying, blinding headache accompanied by ringing ears and followed by a nosebleed. His body began to ache and he felt nauseated and overwhelmed, skin prickling all over. He overdid it, he definitely overdid it. Normally he would take a moment to rest after a show because he needs to recharge after expending his magical energy, despite the amount he uses never being a significant amount. His shows not only never take much out of him, but they also never involve combat, especially when it's an overpowered, unkillable enemy. He actually hadn't fought anyone using magic in a long, long time. Hadn't needed to. He fell to his knees with a grunt, holding his head and groaning.

Jackieboy Man startled when he heard the thump, looking behind him to see Marvin doubled over on his knees. He cursed to himself and put whoever it was he was talking to on hold. "Shit, you alright?!"

"Overdid it," he got out. "Too much-- ngh! Energy…"

"Are you injured anywhere else?" Jackieboy Man asked.

"Nn-nnh," Marvin shook his head. Instant regret. His body lurched and he clapped a hand over his mouth, his eyes beginning to sting. He swallowed thickly and slowly exhaled. "Don' feel well… gonna be sick…"

"Okay, shit, uh… you'll come with me, you can lie down and rest, um… D'you need anythin' else or are you alright?"

"Lie down… 'n a shower… 's it…"

"Alright, gotcha."

"I'll give you… my address. You c'n take me home…"

"Ah… no, can't do that. Sorry. You'll have to stay with me. Not safe with Antisepticeye after you now."

"I can... handle myself," Marvin forced out, his frustration making his head hurt worse. "'m a grown adult. Don' need protecting."

"No, trust me on this one. Please." Jackieboy urged. "I know what I'm talking about. I'm not having anyone else go missing or fall deathly ill under his control, not on my watch. And you're weakened, on top of that. You have to come with me. I've rigged the house in a way where he can't find me or anyone else who stays there. You'll be safe there until the heat's off you."

"...fine," Marvin agreed begrudgingly. Jackieboy Man sounded sincere enough, and the hero did appear to have more experience with Antisepticeye than he did. But mostly, the sooner he could lie down, the better, and at this point he would do anything to speed things along.

"First, though," Jackieboy began, fishing through one of his satchels.

Marvin groaned. Ugh, what now, he thought to himself, clearly annoyed.

Jackieboy Man held out a tissue to Marvin. "Your nose is bleeding."

"Mmh." Right. Aside from the metallic taste coating his lips, he'd nearly forgotten. He pressed the napkin to his nose and pinched it, tilting his head back. His nosebleeds never lasted long, thankfully, so as soon as it stopped a moment later, he was able to shakily rise onto his feet. Though, the dizziness struck back hard, nearly causing him to fall over again.

"Woah, careful! You alright?" Jackieboy asked, rushing over to steady him.

"Mmh… thanks."

"No problem. Y'know…" Jackieboy couldn't help but smirk, "considering you seem to have a connection to cats, I assumed you'd have better balance than that!"

Marvin furrowed his brow and narrowed his eyes at Jackieboy Man, giving him a "what the actual fuck are you talking about?" face.

"Your cat mask?" Jackieboy supplied.

Marvin rolled his eyes and sucked his teeth, turning his gaze away from the hero. "Shut up."

Jackieboy snorted. "Alright, let's get you somewhere safe. Friend of mine should be waiting outside by now. He'll drive us. You don't get carsick, do you?"

"No."

"Good. Alright, easy does it, now… slow steps."

Jackieboy Man slowly led Marvin out through the exit door he sawed open earlier on. They headed through the hallway leading out to the main doors and were hit with the cold night air as they stepped outside. The bright city lights were glaring, making Marvin's eyes hurt. He hissed and shut them, feeling his head pound harder. The cold air was cooling down his overheating body, at least, but he could tell he would be shivering before long.

"That white car over there is where we're headed," Jackieboy Man informed. "My friend -- his name's Chase -- he'll be taking us back to the house."

"Mmh."

"You're really clammy," Jackieboy commented. "Sure you're not comin' down with something?"

"Jus' overdid it…" Marvin got out. "I'll be fine."

"There's a doctor that lives with us. He can check you out if you want?" Jackieboy Man offered.

"Mmh." Marvin really didn't feel like seeing a doctor, nor did he need to, but he also didn't feel like talking anymore. He figured the hero would shut up if he just nodded and agreed. Plus, the sooner he stopped talking, the better, because the nausea was hitting Marvin full force and the last thing he wanted to do was open his mouth to speak, lest more than words came out.

Finally, the pair finally made it to the car. Jackieboy Man helped Marvin in first, who scooted all the way towards the left-most seat, while Jackieboy sat on the far right. Marvin took the opportunity to pull his mask off his face and set it down in the empty space between them.

"Yo, Jackie, everything good?" asked the driver, who Marvin assumed was Chase. "And who's this you got with you?"

"Yeah, Chase, we're fine. Oh, and this is Marvin," explained Jackie. He then turned to Marvin. "Wait, your name is Marvin, right? I was just goin' off the sign on the theatre."

"Yeah, name's Marvin." he mumbled, trying not to open his mouth too much.

"Ah, okay. Good. Yeah, he was targeted at his show tonight. I'm takin' him back with us to stay 'til the heat's off 'im."

"Yeah, alright." Chase sighed. The house was big, sure, but if Jackie kept taking on new people like this… well, he supposed it was for the best. "So, uh… we heading straight back? Or d'you need to stop anywhere first?"

"Nah, just head straight home. Marvin needs to lie down and rest. But drive slow, alright? He's not feeling well."

"Yeah, alright. He injured?"

"No, no. Thankfully he's not. I'll explain later, but he just needs to find someplace to lie down."

"Alright. Everyone buckled in?"

"Yeah, I am. Marv, you buckled?"

"Mhm," Marvin hummed.

"Alright, starting the car now."

Chase pulled out of his parking spot and began to drive off. True to his word, he kept his speed slow, but Marvin could still feel every jerk and bump of the car. He had his head leaned against the window, taking slow, deep breaths, his eyes closed.

"Hey, Marvin?"

"Mmh?" Marvin slightly turned his head towards Jackie's direction.

"You see that pocket on the back of Chase's seat? There's paper bags in there. Keep 'em there just for situations like this. If you feel like you're gonna be sick, don't be afraid to take one, alright?"

Marvin hummed in acknowledgement, going back to closing his eyes. He was trying with all his willpower to settle his stomach as much as he possibly could. He didn't want to resort to using a bag, but he'd be mortified if he threw up in someone else's car. Gods, he hoped he could lie down soon…

Chase was paying close attention to the road, trying to watch his speed and make sure he wasn't driving too fast and not too slow, that he was in the correct lane, when suddenly a car from the complete opposite side of the freeway came barreling at him from his left. He spotted it just in time, largening headlights near blinding him.

"Holy shit!" Chase cried. He rapidly turned the wheel, speeding up to try and get out of the way. Jackie cried out from the back seat and held on tight to the handle on the roof of the car as it swerved and collided with the guardrail, the screech of metal on metal filling the car. Marvin groaned and hissed as his stomach flip-flopped and his head bumped hard up against the window. The other car thankfully missed, and aside from the car scraping against the guardrail, nothing was damaged and no one was severely hurt. He turned on the hazard lights and quickly pulled over, trying hard to catch his breath and calm his heart. His entire body was trembling.

"Shit… you guys… you guys alright back there?" he got out between pants.

"Yeah… think we're good," Jackie said. "Shit, man, what happened?"

"Dude, someone tried to fuckin' hit us."

"Shit, you serious?"

"Yes!" Chase turned around in his seat to face Jackie, eyes wide with fear. "Dude, I swear to god, this car came from the other fuckin' side of the freeway and came charging right at us, like it was trying to hit us. Coulda killed all three of us if I didn't move out of the way!"

"You… you don't think it was a drunk driver, do you?" suggested Jackie.

"Nah, man, that felt way too deliberate to be a drunk driver. It looked like whoever was driving was targeting us."

"...Well, then we better get home fast," Jackie said. "If the road's not safe, then we gotta get outta harm's way."

"R-right, right…" Chase turned back around to slump in his seat and took a deep breath, calming himself. He was still shaking, but he knew he had to get everyone home. They couldn't sit there forever. He reluctantly turned off the hazard lights and, after waiting for all the cars to pass, slowly veered the car back onto the freeway.

Marvin, meanwhile, had a hand over his stomach, feeling it turn and bubble. Throughout Jackie and Chase's conversation, he was desperately trying to fend off the nausea with little success. As the minutes passed by it only became worse. His breathing grew quick, jaw clenched as he tried with all his willpower to keep whatever wanted to come up, down.

"Marvin?" Jackieboy asked frantically, turning to Marvin with a worried look in his eyes as soon as he'd noticed his breathing had picked up. "Marvin, are you okay?"

Marvin didn't answer. His brow was furrowed, sweat beading on his forehead. He hated feeling this way. He hated nausea, the way his entire body prickled with it. He swallowed thickly and tried to steady his breathing, but swallowing triggered his nausea further. He gagged once and then finally his stomach lurched, bile rushing up his throat. Marvin quickly sat upright, clapping one hand over his mouth and using the other to reach out and open up a paper bag. Against his will his stomach lurched again, body convulsing, more bile filling his mouth and spilling out into his hand. He got the bag opened, and no sooner had he done so did he heave, vomiting into it.

"Get it up, Marvin, it's alright. I've got you," Jackie supported.

Marvin felt a hand on his back, rubbing in slow circles. He almost wanted to shrug him off but didn't have the mental energy to, not while also focusing on expelling whatever it was his body was so kind as to reject.

"Marvin's throwing up back there?" Chase called from up front.

"Yeah. Don't worry, none got in the car if that's what you're worried about." Jackie answered.

"Is he okay?"

"Uh… gonna say no on that one. He doesn't look like he's doin' too hot. How far are we from the house?"

"Uh, give or take twenty minutes?"

"Alright. Hang on 'til then, Marv. Okay?"

Marvin groaned, breath hitching as he was stopped up short by another wave of nausea. His head felt like it was being squeezed by a really tight rubber band, only worsening as he coughed and gasped. He wanted nothing more than to lie down somewhere, curl up into a ball and just sleep. When the nausea for the most part subsided, stomach empty of all it had and then some, he went back to leaning against the window, taking slow breaths as he tried to calm his heart and his breathing down.

Finally, Chase was pulling into a driveway. Marvin couldn't see as his eyes were closed, but he felt the car slowing down and heard the sound of tires against gravel. The engine whirred to a stop, the car filling with silence. Finally, there was the sound of Chase unbuckling his seatbelt and the silence was accompanied by cold air as his door was opened.

Chase naturally went outside to inspect the damage. It looked pretty bad… but it could have easily been a whole lot worse. He tried to be grateful for that. He could only force out a breath, running his hand through his hair. He knew he couldn't afford to pay to fix this right now, so he only hoped that this was all the damage that was done.

Jackieboy simply watched Chase from his window for a moment before turning towards Marvin. His eyes were closed and his breathing was awfully… still. "Marvin…?" he whispered. Was he asleep?

"Mmh?" Marvin hummed, not looking up.

"We're home."

"Mm…"

"Need me to help you out of the car?"

Jackieboy didn't get an answer. He hummed to himself and got out, going over to Marvin's side and opening the door. He unbuckled the seatbelt holding him and went to help Marvin up.

Marvin allowed himself to be helped up, but as soon as he moved, the world began to spin dangerously. His vision rapidly blurred and darkened and he collapsed, feeling a quick burst of pain shoot up his arm and through his side as he collided with the pavement beneath him, and then nothing.

"Shit, Marvin?! Marvin, are you okay?" Jackie cried out, bending down. He began to shake him. "Marvin? Marvin! Shit… Chase, Marvin's not responding. Go inside and get Schneep. Hurry!"

"Fuck, dude… yeah, on it!" Chase quickly locked the car before dashing towards the house, nearly tripping on the front steps and almost dropping his keys trying to unlock the door.

"Henrik!" Chase called into the house. "Henrik, where are you, man?" He was met with silence. With a slightly-annoyed huff, he headed straight towards a door on the right side of the hallway ahead of him and quickly threw it open, hurrying down the basement stairs. He finally reached the basement door at the bottom and burst through.

"Henrik," Chase repeated.

"Hm?!" Henrik startled, looking up from the paperwork on his desk and quickly swiveling around in his chair.

"Hen, we need you outside. Someone we're helping fuckin' passed out on the ground."

"Oh, für die Liebe zu…" Henrik huffed and rolled his eyes. He didn't hesitate in standing, though, immediately pulling on his white lab coat that was hanging nearby and grabbing a fresh pair of medical gloves. "Take me to them," he directed.

Chase nodded. The pair of them rushed back up the stairs and out the door, and Chase led Henrik over to where Jackie was, leaned over Marvin's unconscious form.

"What happened? Who is this?" Henrik asked, crouching down beside the stranger's limp body.

"His name's Marvin. He's staying with us until the heat's off him. He was attacked at his show tonight. By you-know-who."

Henrik hummed and slowly nodded in grim understanding. He had no qualms helping this stranger now, now that he had context. "What happened before he collapsed? What symptoms was he having?"

"Uh… he was really clammy, he was nauseous…"

"Was he vomiting?"

"Yeah, he was, though I should mention that was only after the car swerved. Uh… he said he had a headache and his nose was bleeding earlier. I think he said he just overdid it and used too much magic energy? But I still hoped you would check him out anyway, just to be sure."

"Magic? You serious?" Chase asked disbelievingly.

"Yeah, man, another magic user. You shoulda seen it, though. Marvin's powerful."

"Ugh, enough of the chit-chat," scolded Henrik impatiently. "Help me get Marvin inside. Is cold out here and I do not want him getting hypothermia."

"Right, right. Sorry." Jackie apologized.

The three of them lifted Marvin, and while it was awkward, they managed to safely get him inside. After removing his cape, suit jacket, and shoes, they set him down on the couch for now, piling blankets over him and setting pillows underneath his head. Afterwards Jackie and Chase sat themselves at the kitchen table and Henrik heated up the food he'd been saving for them -- he'd eaten his own plate earlier.

"So," Henrik grunted as he sat down in his chair. "You had said the car swerved while you were driving, yes? What happened?"

"Someone… someone tried to hit us," Chase replied.

"Tried to hit you? Are you certain?"

Chase grimly nodded, swallowing what was in his mouth. "Yeah, pretty certain, dude. Car came at us from the opposite side of the freeway. I had to swerve outta the way. Car hit the guardrail, dunno if you saw the damage."

"Yes, I… I saw." Henrik fell silent, mulling this over. "I assume you did not get a license plate, did you?"

Chase shook his head sadly.

"I figured as much. Did you get a look at the driver, at least?"

"No. Headlights were so bright that I couldn't see anything. I mean, shit, it was dumb luck I was able to get us outta the way at all!"

"If the damage is bad enough I might have to be called in to help clean up debris and help the survivors, if that car hit anyone else," Jackie said, his voice having a serious edge to it.

"No, I think you are fine, Jackieboy," Henrik said with a shake of his head. "If they needed help cleaning up, they would have called earlier. Maybe the car did not hit any other drivers?"

"I can only hope."

The three fell silent then, Henrik simply watching over Chase and Jackieboy Man as they ate. Finally, Chase spoke up, setting his fork down.

"...I'm pretty sure there's only one person who would have it out for us enough to try and hit us."

"It… it couldn't have been him," Jackie said. "I dunno where he fucked off to, but… we did really heavy damage to him."

Henrik blinked. This was news. "You… you did? What did you do?"

"It was…" Jackie huffed, laughing silently. "It was mostly Marvin, if I'm gonna be honest. He's really fuckin' powerful, you guys have no idea. Who knows how long he's been eyeing Marvin for, with that kinda strength…"

"Mm, we could use someone like him, then," Henrik said.

"At one point, um… I thought he killed him."

Both Henrik's and Chase's eyes widened.

"Dude… you serious?"

"Swear on my Ma. He was… he was out for a good minute. Had a hole blasted through the center of his skull. But, uh… apparently, he can't die."

Henrik's brow furrowed. "What… what do you mean, "he cannot die?""

"I mean that… he's not alive in the first place. I guess he… never was. Which means I need to look at a different approach to taking him out."

Chase just silently cursed to himself, slumping back in his chair and dragging a hand down his face.

"I do have good news, though!" Jackieboy quickly added. "You know those prototype bullets I've been workin' on? They work! They're pretty effective! If I make 'em a bit stronger, who knows how much damage they'll do!"

"Good, good! So we have a starting point for building defense, then," Henrik said with a relieved smile.

"Seems so, yeah."

Finally, Jackie looked over to Marvin, who was knocked out on the couch.

"So… what are we doing with Marvin?"

"...Well, the only option is for him to sleep on the couch," Henrik said. "Chase has his room, you are using mine, and I sleep down in the lab… the only place left is the living room."

"Guess you're right…"

"I am going to watch over Marvin for the night, make sure he is alright. Are either of you injured, by the way?"

"Nah, I'm good," Jackie shook his head.

"Same here," agreed Chase. "Little shaken up, but I'm all good otherwise."

"Good, good."

"Wait, shouldn't you be by Jack?" asked Jackie.

"I mean, yes, but as of right now, Marvin is the priority. If he is sick, I need to be there in case he gets any worse."

"I can go watch Jack," Chase offered.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, man. I mean…" Chase laughed, "I'm probably not gonna be sleeping tonight, anyways. Might as well do something useful, yeah?"

Jackie nodded and rose. "I'm gonna head upstairs and write everything that happened tonight down, and then head to bed so I can get an early start tomorrow. Gonna head out on patrols in the morning instead of at night just in case his puppets are on the loose. After tonight, can't be too cautious."

"That is a good idea, Jackie. I will be in the living room. Chase, if you notice anything that is not right with Jack during the night, we will swap places. I will go down to be with Jack and you will watch Marvin. Does that sound good?"

"Yeah, sounds good to me." Chase rose as well, grabbing his plate.

"Oh, do not worry about the dishes. I will do them. You two both go."

"Thanks, dude," smiled Chase.

"Yeah, thanks, Schneep. Owe you one." Jackie was about to head upstairs, but a final glance at Marvin reminded Jackie of something important. "Oh shit. Chase, wait, need a favor from you."

"Yeah? What's up?"

"Go down to the car and grab Marvin's mask. It's in the back seat."

"Yeah, got it." Chase pulled his keys out of his pocket and headed for the door, pulling it open and stepping outside.

Jackie headed upstairs while Chase was gone, while Henrik proceeded to wash the plates and utensils. When Chase came back, he set Marvin's mask on the coffee table and headed downstairs to watch over Jack. Once the dishes were done, Henrik headed to the living room to get comfy in one of the reclining chairs opposite and to the right of the couch and proceeded to watch over Marvin during the night. Eventually, though, he fell asleep.

⁂

Marvin groaned as he awoke. His head was still throbbing, his body ached, his middle was sore… He always felt like shit after expending so much energy. This was normal, but it didn't make it any less unpleasant. He went to move his arms so he could sit up and hold his head, but the first thing he was made aware of was the pile -- not one, but an actual, literal pile -- of blankets covering him. He opened his eyes to find that he was on a couch in an unfamiliar living room. Off to his right, he detected the faint sound of someone snoring. It was someone he didn't recognize, sporting skewed glasses and a white lab coat, still detectable despite the darkness of the room. A scientist, perhaps? Or, wait, Jackieboy Man mentioned they lived with a doctor. This must be him. Marvin reasoned he was responsible for covering him in so many blankets. He made a mental note to thank him when he woke up.

Marvin pushed the blankets off of him and pulled himself up off the couch. He spotted his mask sitting on the nearby coffee table. He wondered who brought it inside, considering he didn't grab it before he passed out. Well, better here than in the car, he figured. He couldn't afford to lose that mask; it meant a great deal to him. Pulling himself from his thoughts, he headed out of the living room, trying to make his way around this new environment and memorize its layout so he knew where to go should there ever be danger. Also, it was helpful to know where the bathroom was, considering that was where he was heading.

He was still dizzy, so he made doubly sure to keep one hand trailing against a wall or against a piece of furniture at all times as he (rather slowly) explored this new place. The other was kept against his head. Despite the headache, he tried to take in as many details as he could. From what he gathered so far, the living room and kitchen were right across from each other, with the staircase separating them and the front door located at the point where they meet. Past the staircase was a hallway leading straight ahead from the front door, and there was a windowed door at the very end of the hallway that appeared to lead outside. There was a sole door on the left side of the hall, halfway down, and two doors on the right, one under the staircase and another a few feet down. The one under the staircase was a bit smaller, so given its size Marvin assumed it to be a closet of sorts. The left door, evidently, led to the bathroom, and for now that was all the info Marvin needed. He ducked in, flicking on the light and locking the door behind him.

It took a while for his aching eyes to adjust to the harsh light of the bathroom, but he at least had stopped squinting by the time he washed his hands. He leaned against the counter, taking deep breaths. Everything hurt. As he kept telling himself, feeling like shit was normal after expending too much energy, especially since he hadn't engaged in combat with anyone in a very long time. However, he really didn't feel very well and it was noticeable enough for him to tell that something wasn't right. The dizziness wasn't subsiding and neither was the headache. His stomach was caught between being sore from exertion and a genuine, slightly nauseating ache. What's worse, he still felt weak and shaky, as if yesterday's battle happened an hour ago. Did he really push himself that far? He knew he was slightly out of practice, but something wasn't adding up. He knew he needed to look into it as soon as possible, but for now he simply opened the bathroom door and stepped out, remembering to turn the light off as he did so.

The room looked so much darker now that the light was off. It was hard for Marvin's eyes to readjust. He kept a hand on the wall, feeling his way around and trying to keep himself upright as his vision slowly began to pick up the silhouettes of furniture. Anything large and stable he leaned on until he made his way back to the couch.

Or, well, almost.

It's hard to tell just how much the room is spinning when said room is pitch-black. All Marvin knew was that suddenly, he felt really lightheaded. And then, in a stroke of bad luck, he stubbed his toe against the coffee table and fell with a strangled cry, his right side colliding with the floor.

"Nnh?!" Henrik jerked awake at the noise, sitting up and adjusting his glasses and looking around with wide eyes. "Wh-who is it? Who is there?!" he demanded.

Marvin tried with all his might, but he was too weak and too dizzy to get up. Gods, what's happening to me?! he mentally panicked. He took a deep breath, exhaled, and then attempted to speak. "Hh… h-help me…" he got out.

Henrik quickly rose, adjusting his glasses and moving to flick on the living room light. Marvin hissed in pain as he was once again momentarily blinded by the drastic shift in brightness. This made the headache all the much worse and he whimpered.

"Marvin?" Henrik questioned near-disbelievingly. "Marvin, are you okay?"

"Help… please, help me up…" Marvin begged.

Henrik nodded and quickly got to work, moving the coffee table out of the way first before reaching down to help support Marvin and get him onto his feet. However, he was having a hard time trying to lift him up. It was like he was going completely limp in his arms!

"Ghh-- M-Marvin -- that is your name, yes? Y-you have to-- hhh…! Work with me here! I cannot-- ngh! C-carry you on my own!"

Marvin was trying everything within his willpower to get his limbs to cooperate with him, but they seemed to flat-out refuse. He felt numb from the chest-down. It was getting harder and harder to suppress the growing panic.

"I-I can't move my legs," Marvin quickly got out, eyes blown wide. "Gods, I-I-- I can't move anything! I can't move! What's happening to me?! Gods, what's happening to me?!"

Paralysis? Henrik mentally questioned. That is not a good sign. "Okay, okay, I am setting you down now." True to his word, he propped Marvin up against the couch and crouched down beside him. "Take deep breaths for me, yes? You will be fine. Just relax," he soothed. He even went as far as to take deep breaths along with Marvin -- which actually helped to clear his own racing mind. Once he saw that Marvin had calmed some, he nodded and hummed. "Good, good… now, can you tell me what symptoms you are having?

"I-I can't move my arms or my legs. I feel numb everywhere," Marvin explained, residual panic still present in his voice.

"Are you in any pain?"

"My head… and my stomach, but it doesn't feel sore anymore. It feels more upset than anything else... M-my foot should hurt because I fucking stubbed it on the table but I-I can't even feel that."

"Any other symptoms?"

"I'm still dizzy… the room's spinning. It's… it's making me feel nauseous, actually…" Marvin closed his eyes and took labored breaths. Keeping his eyes shut helped quell the dizziness, which thankfully also aided in easing the nausea, and he'd much prefer it if he could avoid throwing up again by any means possible. Especially since for the time being, he was unable to move.

"Hm…" Henrik reached out, feeling up Marvin's neck. "Lymph nodes are not inflamed…" he mumbled to himself. But then, he stopped up short. "Marvin, are you aware that there is a… a cut on your neck?"

"Hm? No, I was not..." Marvin's brow furrowed in confusion. "That's a bit peculiar… I didn't notice any sort of wound, or even any marks on my neck while I was in the bathroom."

"Well, is very small, so it would be hard to notice unless you looked closely. I… normally I would not pay any mind to small cuts and bruises but... a cut on the neck is not a normal place to have a cut…"

"Hm…"

"Jackie mentioned you were attacked…" Henrik brought up, worry flashing ever-so-briefly in his eyes.

Marvin knew immediately what Henrik was alluding to. And after a very short moment of recalling the events of Antisepticeye's ambush, he knew exactly how it happened.

"That… glitch. He had me at knifepoint. Pressed the blade to my neck and threatened to give me a matching scar if I moved even an inch."

"So he cut you, then?" Henrik asked, shifting as if he were about to stand up.

"Not intentionally, no. When Jackieboy Man took out the glitch's... puppets, I had a brief window of attack. I took it, and in the process I believe he nicked me when his arm swung away due to the recoil."

"Alright, so was not planned… good." Henrik nodded, looking away. He actually rose this time, letting out a breath. "Marvin, I… I have something that may help. Is an experimental drug and I have not tested it yet, so I need your consent to administer it. But I believe it is our best bet."

"Whatever you plan on giving me, I'm certain I've drank far more dangerous potions," Marvin huffed humorously. "Hit me with whatever you have. If you think it helps, I'm completely fine in taking it. Just, please… help me regain the feeling in my body."

Henrik nodded wordlessly before heading for the hallway and rushing down into the basement. Chase jumped as he heard the door suddenly swing open and pulled back the curtain shielding him and Jack, peeking out to see Henrik frantically rushing around the room.

"Henrik? Woah, dude, what's wrong?"

"Not now, Chase!" Henrik snapped. "I explain later!" He made a beeline for a cabinet filled with medicines of all sorts. He sifted through bottles and vials, growling when he couldn't find what he was looking for. He cursed under his breath, mentally scolding himself for losing such an easy-to-spot drug, when he remembered where he put it. With a roll of his eyes and a smack of his palm against his forehead, he sought out a small cooler by one of the desks in the room. He opened it and pulled out a vial with slightly-glowing green liquid in it. Closing the cooler, he set the vial delicately on the desk, steadying it so it wouldn't fall, and went to grab a clean needle, a disinfectant wipe, a band-aid, and a fresh pair of medical gloves. Now that he had everything he needed, he grabbed the vial of medicine and hurried back up the stairs, praying to whomever that might be listening that this worked.

"Alright, Marvin, I have it," Henrik notified, quickly crouching beside him. He set the needle and vial down on the coffee table and began to unbutton Marvin's shirt. Once one of his arms were free enough, he opened the pack of wipes and began to wipe down his upper arm, right below the shoulder. He then reached behind him to replace the used wipe for the medicine and needle and stuck the syringe into the vial to fill it. Finally, he set down the now-empty vial on the coffee table and flicked the syringe a few times to make sure there were no air bubbles in it.

"Alright… I would tell you to hold still, but…" Henrik huffed humorously, "Well, it seems you have no choice, yes?" He stuck Marvin with the needle, slowly injecting him with the medicine.

Marvin watched (or at least, tried to, as he was still dizzy) as Henrik administered the medicine. His eyes then widened as he saw every vein in his body begin to pulse with a green glow.

Henrik placed the band-aid over the area where the needle had stuck Marvin, then rolled up his sleeve and looked down at his watch, softly counting the seconds. Marvin closed his eyes to combat the dizziness and listened to him count, and as Henrik did so, slowly he felt his body begin to regain feeling. At around fifteen seconds he could move his fingers and hands, and by thirty he was able to move his arms and legs. By then, the glow had subsided.

"How are you feeling, Marvin?" Henrik asked.

Marvin swallowed thickly. "Still… still nauseous and dizzy and my head still aches, but I can move again. Thank you, er…"

"Henrik," he supplied. "Henrik von Schneeplestein, but "Henrik" or "Schneep" works fine."

"Right. Thank you, Henrik."

Just then, Henrik and Marvin turned their heads at the sound of the door to the basement stairs opening.

"Hen…?" Chase asked reluctantly, nearing closer. "Everything good up here?"

"Yes, everything is fine now. I am sorry I snapped at you, I was in a rush."

"What happened?"

"Marvin was suffering from paralysis. At first I was afraid he hit his spine on the edge of the coffee table when he fell, but it turns out he had a tiny, little cut on his neck from you-know-who's knife."

Chase slowly nodded, growing wary. "He's… he's not gonna turn, is he?"

"No, with the medicine, he is fine. I had to act quickly before it could advance any further in stage. You know how short the window is, yes?"

"Y-yeah, uh, that's why I asked."

Marvin silently absorbed all this information. It made sense; before Antisepticeye gained control of his "puppets," they all had fallen limp onto the ground. Whatever he'd done to them caused instant paralysis. Because the nick he'd given Marvin was small, however, it took a lot longer for him to be affected.

"Henrik, are you at all versed in alchemy?" Marvin inquired.

"No, I am not, actually," Henrik answered. "But we, um… used to live with someone who was. He was kidnapped and we have been looking for him since. He is the one who came up with the formula for the medicine I just gave you. One of the ingredients was a plant only he knew how to grow, and he would not tell us the name of the plant in case the information got into the wrong hands -- at the time, the house was not fully protected and we could never know who was listening."

"I see."

"Yeah, our plan was to fuck around with the medicine's dosage and the ingredients to make something to wake Jack up. You-know-who is responsible for Jack being in a coma," Chase interjected.

"Er… who is Jack, exactly?"

"Jack is our close friend," Henrik answered, his voice having a slight tinge of sadness to it. "He is also our "patient zero," as it were. He was you-know-who's original host before he took on a physical manifestation of his own."

"So… he's like a parasite, then?" asked Marvin.

"That's the thing. We dunno what the hell he is," Chase said. "Fuck, we just learned today that he isn't even alive!"

"Plus, as of recently, he no longer requires a host to survive. He has evolved himself past that. He is always changing in some way, shape, or form."

"How odd…" Marvin mumbled.

"Yes, very," agreed Henrik. "Jackie's mission once you-know-who is taken out is to take with him a large enough batch of an improved version of the medicine I just gave you and give it to everyone who has become his puppet."

"What's wrong with this version?"

"It is not strong enough, to put it simply," Henrik answered. "As I mentioned before, this is an experimental batch and I have not tested it. However, based on the formula, the dosage I gave you is only supposed to be enough to fend off the beginning stages of his corruption. Had I let it progress any farther, I would not have been able to save you. The window is very, very short, only about five minutes or so after you start displaying the initial symptoms. That is, if you have managed to escape him alive at all. But usually the wounds he inflicts are enough to kill, anyway. Apparently, however, the smaller and more shallow the wound, the more time his "toxin" needs to act. I would do a test study on this, but is far too risky."

Marvin simply nodded, understanding, absorbing all the information presented to him.

"You are lucky I had some of that medicine. The batch is very small and we are trying to conserve as much of it as we can until we can find our missing friend."

"What is the name of this friend of yours?" Marvin asked.

"JJ," Chase answered, his expression matching his voice. Grim. "Jameson Jackson. He was… he was like a son to me." He rubbed his arms and sighed, looking away. "I wish I could do more to help look for him…"

"Chase, I keep telling you that you do plenty!" Henrik argued.

"Yeah, and you and I both know that that's bullshit," Chase shot back, eyes narrowing at him. "I can't fight. I don't have any strength. I don't have powers like JJ did or Marvin does or medical knowledge like you do or intelligence like Jackie has. I have nothing to offer except my fucking car. But god, I swear, if I had powers, you bet your ass I'd be out there every single fucking day looking for JJ."

Henrik huffed. "Then maybe it is for the best that you do not have powers. That way you do not get yourself killed searching day and night."

"You do not need powers to make yourself useful," Marvin spoke up. He swallowed, holding a hand over his stomach. It felt fine for a little while as they were speaking, but now it seemed to be upset again. He took a slow breath and continued. "Maybe it is a bit... hypocritical for someone with powers to be telling this to you, but… my words have truth to them. Sometimes it is… it is those who have no powers that are the most helpful. Usually, they are the ones behind the scenes, keeping everything afloat. If…" he took another breath, shutting his eyes. His headache was worsening. "If all you had was everyone on the front lines and no support, your team would go down rather fast. Take my shows for example. Yes, I'm the one doing the performing, but without the crew behind the stage, I would have nothing."

"I… yeah. Yeah… I understand…" said Chase finally, rubbing his arms and looking down at his feet.

"Are you okay, Marvin?" Henrik asked, watching his change in demeanor.

Marvin had gone to taking slow, deep breaths, a hand slowly rubbing his stomach. He shook his head. "N-no… I feel sick… D-does that medication have any side effects?"

"I do not know. Like I said, I have not tested it."

Marvin just groaned in response, clenching his jaw slightly.

"Do you need a bucket?"

Just the thought of throwing up made Marvin's stomach protest. He lurched a bit and one of his hands rose, suspended in midair, waiting to see if he needed to cover his mouth, eyes wide and almost confused. He quickly nodded.

"Scheisse." Henrik quickly moved, as if he were going to rise, but Chase stopped him.

"No, you stay put. I got it." Chase hurried over to the closet under the stairs, searching for the mop and bucket. Once he found it, he left the mop behind and rushed over with the bucket, handing it to Marvin. He took it gratefully.

"Thanks," he muttered. He adjusted himself, leaning over it and closing his eyes. He took deep breaths, shuddering as the faint yet potent odor of cleansing chemicals slightly stung his nostrils.

"Yes, that's it. Deep breaths, Marvin, there we go…" Henrik comforted him, slowly rubbing his back. Chase stood by in case he needed anything else.

After a few minutes or so, simply swallowing his saliva became near impossible. Between labored breaths he spit up into the bucket and soon his stomach finally started to revolt. His entire body tensed as he gagged, his free fist clenching, and shortly after did he actually begin to be sick.

"Shhh… yes, that's it, Marvin… just get it up, you are alright…" Henrik soothed. Meanwhile his mind was racing. If this medicine had side effects, he needed to know and mark them down for future patients. So far nausea seems to be one, but at the same time, Marvin was already feeling nauseous beforehand. Still, he figured it would be smart to write it down just in case. "Chase," Henrik spoke up. "Can you do me a favor?"

"Yeah, sure. What's up?"

"Bring me a pen and some paper? I need to make a list of potential side effects this medicine might have."

"Oh, gotcha. Yeah, on it. Be right back."

Marvin felt awful, if he didn't already feel awful before. On top of the returning nausea and newly-worsened headache, his entire body felt sore, every nerve filled with a deep-seated ache. He felt out-of-it and as he lifted his head slightly and looked around the room, he found he was seeing triple. He mumbled something unintelligible before dipping his head back down over the bucket and heaving again.

"Marvin?" Henrik asked. "Are you okay, my friend? Can you repeat that?"

Marvin mumbled again. Even he didn't know what he was saying. He was panting hard, he was having a difficult time breathing, he could barely keep his eyes open… he felt shaky and weak and he didn't even have the brain power at the moment to contemplate what could possibly be wrong with him.

There was the sound of someone coming up the basement stairs and Henrik turned his head in time to see Chase come into view, pen and notepad in hand.

"Yo, got your-- holy shit, what's wrong with Marvin? I was gone for, like, two seconds!"

"I-I do not know, Chase!" Henrik replied, eyes full of worry as he turned back to Marvin. "One minute he is vomiting and the next he is mumbling nonsense at me!"

"He looks, like… really fucking out-of-it," commented Chase. "Is he gonna be okay?"

"I-I…" Henrik hesitated. He honestly didn't know, but… "Yes, I… I am sure he will be fine," he replied, turning back to Chase. "If his breathing issues and nausea persist I might have to administer more medications and have him rest in a bed down in the lab instead of on the couch, just to be on the safe side."

Henrik and Chase both sounded so far away to Marvin. Their voices were muffled so he couldn't understand them at all. He set the bucket beside him. He felt insanely lightheaded, and something in him knew that he wouldn't remain conscious much longer.

"M'gonna pass out…" Marvin mumbled.

Henrik stopped up short, turning back to Marvin with slightly-widened eyes. Did he hear that correctly? "Marvin? What was that you said?"

But Marvin couldn't hear him. He could feel his body giving out on him. Finally, his eyes rolled back in his skull and he slumped to the side, causing a loud thump as his body hit the carpeted floor.

"Marvin?! Marvin!" Henrik scrambled closer and tried to tap his cheek to get any sort of reaction out of him, but he got nothing.

"Holy shit, what are we gonna do?!" Chase cried.

"Chase, go wake up Jackie! Hurry! Have him help you bring my medical equipment up here. Oxygen tank and mask -- he needs more oxygen! Go!"

"O-on it!" Chase threw the notepad and pen on the coffee table and hurried up the stairs, yelling for Jackie on the way. Meanwhile, Henrik stayed with Marvin, trying to get him to wake with no luck.

If the medicine in that small of a dosage was this unsafe to use, then they needed another plan, and fast.

Taglist: @taizu-lazure @bupine @innocent-angel3 @immabethehero @wowowgoodurl @n-anon @g-rexthedino @scarletender @coconutpillow05 @friezzzboiii @jade-orade (some of the tags aren’t working and/or are missing, so I apologize for that. lemme know if you wanna be added to the taglist!)

#jacksepticeye #marvin the magnificent #vio stormcaller #stringbound #stringbound chapter 2 #jackieboy man #chase brody #dr. schneeplestein #nausea tw #vomiting tw #near car accident tw #needles tw #fainting tw

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everythingandeveryplace · 6 years ago

Text

*Thorns part 5 Eric x OC*

He could still taste her on his lips at breakfast, could still feel her silk skin under his fingers as he tied his boots, could still smell her peach shampoo on his morning run. She was everywhere but nowhere all at once, he hadn’t seen her since last night despite how much he searched for her.. it was an uneasy feeling.. caring for someone other than himself. She was all he could focus on, all he could think about.

...Although Deemas smug grin and curious eyes were enough to draw his focus to his annoying best friend.

“What are you staring at?” Eric grumbled, arms crossed as he kept his eyes on the initiates pathetically sparring each other. Not only was he desperately distracted he was also pissed off and frustrated, the display in front of him was enough to to have his blood boiling. “Adams, lift your fucking arms or I’ll break them before you have a chance to block your ugly ass face.”

Deema grinned

“You have.. that look.” The shorter boy circled the much larger tattooed man in front of him.

Eric squirmed under the inspection of his goofy friend

“Knock that shit off, I don’t have any “look”” he growled.

Deemas eyes lit up and an ear splitting grin broke free on his handsome face

“You got laid! My man!” He lifted a palm to Eric’s face, laughing when he smacked it out of the way “who’s the lucky lady?”

“Shut up, I didn’t get laid. Lower your fucking voice.” Eric hissed, eyes darting around the room.

“Was it Lauren again? I’ve seen her following you.. I mean she’s a little.. much. But all power to ya if you’re into silicone.” Deema chuckled.

“Fuck that shit. I haven’t touched Lauren since that night and I don’t plan on ever doing it again.” His nose scrunched up in disgust, Lauren slept with anyone who would give her credibility.. when she couldn’t get Four she had set her sights on Eric and he had stupidly fallen for her long legs and short shorts, alcohol buzzing through his blood.

“So who..”

Deema was cut off by the heavy metal door of the training room swinging open, all of the initiates turned to see what had caused the noise and in an instant Eric was in front of them all..

“Ella?” He questioned.. stepping towards the source of the disruption.

The beautiful brunettes heavy boots beat the linoleum tile, her hand was wrapped tight around one of the newer trainees wrist as she pulled him towards the fighting ring, breezing past Eric and his initiates. Her group of trainees trailed through the open door all looking slightly terrified.

“What’s happening?” Deema moved to stand by Eric beside the ring as they watched Ella tie up her hair and pull off the black long sleeve shirt she had on leaving her in nothing but her tight sports bra and spandex shorts.

Her body was something on an entirely different level, her stomach tanned and toned but subtle curves dipping from her hips to her muscled thighs. Her chest was plenty more than Eric had been expecting based off of her small stature, a bead of sweat rolling from the length of her neck to nestle right between the dips of her breasts. She was without a doubt the most beautiful woman Eric had ever seen.

Then there were the bruises.

Heavy handed purple and green splotches littering her sides, indentations made clear that it was a fist that had beaten her right next to her rib cage. Her spine was marred with scars just beginning to heal and the fingerprint sized bruises on her forearms made Eric’s stomach twist and turn in the beginning stages of nausea. The sight alone made him want to kill something... someone. Her low and angry voice had him snapping out of his own head

“Go ahead Evans, hit me... this is what you wanted isn’t it? “A crack at the crazy bitch?” Well I’m standing right here? You’re not scared are you?” She taunted the much larger boy, clapping her hands together and bracing her feet, knees tight and eyes wild.

Danny Evans was an arrogant Dauntless born piece of shit, Eric had experienced his insubordinace first hand when the boy refused to pack up his shit, Eric had him running laps until he threw up, he had apparently gone too far with the newest trainer and was now staring at her from across the fighting ring, anger and confusion mixing together on his face.

“You’re a fucking psycho.” He sneered “everyone knows you’re insane, that they filled you up with some crazy shit when you were with the factionless.”

Ella laughed, her eyes never leaving the angry boy once.

“You’re right.. I’m crazy. Insane even. But Im stronger than you.. I’m smarter than you.. I’m better than you.. I am every damn thing you could ever hope to be.”

That was all it took, Danny lunged for her with a feral growl reaching for her throat, Ella easily dodged his grasp driving a heavy fist into his side causing him to bend over in pain her free hand reaching up to grip a chunk of his blonde hair and delivering another swift punch to his cheek, blood splitting from his now open lip. She kicked at his side with reverence and swiped his legs out from under him, locking him in place and twisting his arms so they pulled behind his back. He yelped, wiggling and attempting to kick his legs. Ella bent low to his ear and whispered

“Didn’t your mother ever tell you to stay away from crazy girls.” She tugged one final time, firmly dislocating his shoulder before dropping his arms and climbing off of him, his screams echoing abasing the quiet murmur of the room. she was panting, adrenaline radiating off of her.

“Class is dismissed for the day. Go pack up your guns. I’ll see you tommorow, extra early.” Her voice was back to its normal honey smooth tone as she adressed her group. They all scrambled to their feet and rushed out the door, most of them were impressed but some were more than a little scared.

Eric watched the way Ella’s shoulders shook just slightly, her eyes far away as she moved to walk past him, head down.

“Ella..” he reached out for her, his fingers just brushing her forearm. she looked down at his fingers on her skin before quickly pulling away. Tears built up in the corners of her chocolate eyes as she gathered her shirt from the ring and rushed past him.

Eric watched her go, an aching in his chest that he wasn’t familiar with.

“So it’s her. Shit dude.”

Deemas hand came to rest on Eric’s shoulder.

Eric turned quickly

“I..” He stuttered, unsure if he was ready to speak it out loud, to put it out there.

“You don’t have to say anything.. just go.” Deema smiled in only the way a friend who had been through what they had together could.

He didn’t have to be told twice, pushing past the trainees and rolling through the metal doors. He knew exactly where she was.

He found her resting on the ledge of the roof, the sun setting against her skin made it glow in hues of yellow and gold, he could make out the tracks of her tears on her skin when she turned to look at him. As soon as she did though she turned away.

“I can’t talk to you right now.” She whispered “I’ll.. I’ll talk to you later okay?” He hated how small her voice sounded, the breeze rustling her curls, he had to bite down the desire to run his fingers through them.

“You did what you had too, there’s nothing wrong with letting them know you’re in charge. They’re dauntless now.. they need to learn.” He sighed when she didn’t answer, moving to stand behind her resting his hand against the small of her back.

It all happened too suddenly for him to process, Ella leaped down from the ledge and onto the floor of the roof, stumbling away from Eric.

“How can you sit there and touch me?! How can you even look at me? You don’t know what I’ve done.. what I’m capable of!” She cried desperately, tears leaking down her cheeks as she pushed herself into the brick wall closest to the door. “You need to stay away from me, .. I can’t be brave.. I can’t be anything.. I hurt people.. that’s what I do! And I won’t hurt you! I can’t.” She reached for the handle, desperate to get away, to run.

In two strides Eric had her wrapped up in his arms, his arms engulfing her waist. As he pressed her head into his chest, fingers rolling in her hair as he held her as tightly as possible.

“I know you Ella.. I see you. You’re beautiful and brave and strong and you’re broken but that’s okay. I’m broken too, I’m cruel and angry and mean and impatient but you make me feel something.. you make me feel everything. I’m not letting whatever this is go because you’re afraid of hurting me. I’m here and I’m not going anywhere.. I’ve never had anyone.. I’ve never wanted anything like this but I want this with you. Don’t push me away, let me be there for you. Let me be here.” He gripped her chin and pulled her eyes toward his, She sniffled and closed her eyes lashes fluttering against her cheeks.

“I’m pathetic.” Her lips lifted just slightly, enough to make Eric laugh softly.

“You’re beautiful.” He repeated.

Ella lifted her arms to wrap around his neck, her fingers tracing his tattoo gently. His own eyes drifted closed at the feel of her fingers on his throat “hmm” he hummed.

“Do you think I’ll get In trouble for the whole Danny thing?” She leaned forward, lips brushing his jaw following after her fingers.

He tightened his grip on her waist

“Fuck that. I was there, he had it coming. It was the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen in my life.”

Ella laughed, pure and open and warm. Her nose was red and her eyes were puffy from crying, she’d never looked quite as beautiful.

“Oh yeah? That’s what it takes? A couple undercuts and I have you around my finger. What on earth will all of the ladies of Dauntless say when they find out I’ve caught your attention? We’ll have a riot for sure.”

Eric grinned wickedly, scooping her up and into his arms bridal style, burying his face in her neck, smiling when she giggled and yelped.

“I couldn’t give a shit.” He mumbled against the smooth skin of her neck, inhaling as he slipped out the door with her wrapped up in his arms.

They were halfway down the hallway, Ella talking about the upcoming leadership conference at Amity when Elliot stopped them abruptly moving to stand in front of Eric, his eyes trained on the pretty brunette in his arms, a nasty glare set on his face.

“Where the fuck were you?” He growled.

Ella slipped from Eric’s grasp, her feet finding the floor before she turned towards Elliot.

“Excuse me?”

Eric tensed behind her, looming over her like an overgrown shadow.

“We had weapon training together and I leave to talk to Max for five minutes and find my entire class gone? What the fuck Ella?” He moved closer.

Eric gently tugged Ella back, his expression absolutely lethal.

“Watch your mouth.” He growled.

“What are you going to do about it Coulter? She has you whipped and you haven’t even gotten anything out of her yet. You won’t.. I know bitches like this.. they string you along for nothing.. look at her. You really think she’s worth more than a quick fuck in the training room?” He scoffed, laughing.

Everything went black.

The last thing he heard was his name falling from Ella’s lips.

#divergent #divergent eric #eric coulter #eric x oc #insurgent #tris and four #jai courtney #eric coulter fanfiction #maia mitchell #the fosters #eric coulter imagine #allegiant #divergent imagine #divergent fanfic #divergent fanfiction

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werevulvi · 6 years ago

Text

Face my fragmentation

“The distinction between performance and reality, always caught up entangled Not knowing if what I know is truth, or beliefs carefully mangled Did my past deception ring true at the end or am I just reconciling with what I cannot bend? In the sanctuary of my own home, do I wear my true face? As it changed with time and testosterone, its nuances shifted out of place With my senses hightened outside, I'm unaware of what I hide Yet I call for no reduction of what I became; I remain yet the same I thrifted pieces of my shame, to once again be restored into pride I'm perpetually misjudged by my appearance, but I let it slide for the sake of my privacy, when the need to know basis is none but it still twists my gut, telling me that my womanhood is gone Have I sought to become what I already am, or am I trying to be what is beyond my reach; a pipedream of tricks and tragedy Wearing stage makeup for casual pursuits, the tedium I'm trying to exhale but I cannot differentiate freedom from what's cheaply on sale And I begin to wonder, if what's chasing me is my destination if I should turn around to further face my fragmentation My bits of male and female; chafing together, comforting apart each belonging to different pieces of my shattered heart” Ah, the perpetual confusion continues! I still feel as though I've some amount of conflict between what I consider my male traits and female parts. That I like them all but can't quite put them together. And I'm thinking that has something to do with my traumatised mind still being very fragmented, despite having integrated with my alter. Like that integration didnt exactly make all of my dissociative symptoms go away. And being in a constant dissociative fog surely makes it hard to figure out what is me being true to myself or accidentally creating yet another persona. Especially considering much of my dysphoria was caused by the traumas that also caused my dissociative issues. So how I perceive my body both genderly and in general are very linked together. There's no clear distinction yet every aspect of me is so far apart. Like two similar things placed in two different rooms, and the time it takes to walk from one thing to the other makes you forget how different or similar they actually are. I dont think my body or my mind being androgynous makes me any less female or not a woman, its not that. But I'm not blind to how the rest of the world sees me and I'm also not immune to its effects on how I perceive myself as a consequence. I have thought, although only in sheer desperation, about if it would be easier to "just" live as a feminine trans man. But I dont want to cause it goes against everything I feel about myself as a woman. It would be like admitting defeat. Like saying it actually was "too late" into transition for me to detrans. And I'm not the kind of person who gives up about what matters to me really a lot. Not that I dont give up easily, but that I simply DON'T give up. Like no matter how hard it is. I keep trying until I manage, and only sometimes temporarily retreat. And I know that my fight/right to be a woman is something that I cannot and wont give up on. No matter how much I'll stumble and fall. But how do I conquer these obsticles? And how do I learn to live as an ambiguous woman who's constantly perceived as male? How do I handle this consatant feeling of having been robbed of my womanhood? How difficult it is to feel welcome in any lesbian community or women only space in general, when looking like a man (i.e a threat). Worrying about being tossed out of bathrooms cause I'm too scared of walking into the mens room to put on makeup, while wearing a dress and fake boobs. Worrying about locker rooms for when I'll start practicing karate again, as I highly doubt there will be a gender neutral option for that. Cause im terrified of showering naked with a bunch of naked men, cause open showers is standard in my country, and I'm sure that other women in their locker room would freak out if I walked in there, cause that's happened before. I know I'll have to have a conversation with the instructors at that karate club about my locker room issue, but still.

That is why I still hold off on starting practicing at my island's only karate club, but it's a dream that I cannot hold off on forever. I'm thinking it might be easier to "prove my case" when I'm legally female again, and for other practical reasons it would be more convenient to wait until after my breast reconstruction surgery has been done and healed properly as well. But how I'm perceived by others based solely on my looks (and voice) will continue to be ambiguous at best, as I'm keeping and cherishing my traits from testosterone. It's not that I care about random people's opinions of me, cause I don't. It's that it makes those kinds of social situations difficult to deal with and solve. And I feel like I'm stuck in a tight web about it. The ways in which my dysphoria slithers around in me is confusing and exhausting to try to figure out and get a grasp of. But I've come to understand now that basically: as a trans man I was happy with what testosterone did for me and I for the first started finally liking parts of my body. It was an over all positive experience for me. But I hated living as a man and forcing myself to be masculine. It felt like a burden that alienated me, as I couldn't connect to either men or other women anymore, and I felt that more and more over the years, like some abstract force that became mysteriously heavier over time. Until I understood that I was going against my nature. It felt good at first, but then felt increasingly heavier and like a burden, that social role and the lie that I tried to become. Top surgery (about 5 years into my social transition) made it worse cause it was such a jarring experience. Sadly, I hated my breasts until the day they were gone... then I missed them. It only traded one kind of suffering for another, and I had no idea that would happen. That made me even more confused, but I was afraid of my feelings so I bottled them and shoved them away. For 4 years.

Then when I started healing from my traumas and I began to fall in love with my body and my personality, detransition was just around the corner and it happened so fast. It was literally like I woke up that morning feeling like I was a man like always, and when I went to bed that night I knew I was a woman and regretted it all. As well as instantly ditching the masculinity I had forced myself into, for my long lost femininity. That strong contrast was a tad overwhelming!

However, now reflecting back on it, I don't think most of that instant regret I felt was really that, but rather that it was an expression of my inner conflict between the liberation of finally connecting with my womanhood for the first time ever, and my love for my male physical traits that clashed with the idea of womanhood that had been imprinted into my brain by society. Or to put it more simply: my love for my androgynous body clashed with my false view of myself as a traditionally feminine woman. I felt stuck with my androgyny when in fact there was never anything wrong with either me or my androgyny, but I couldn't put it together with being a woman. Cause I felt suddenly threatened by it. I felt like I was somehow newly a woman, and my old-fashioned, conservative view of what I thought women "should" look like made me attack the one thing I had finally come to love, which was what had brought me to see myself as a woman to begin with: my body. Eventually, as I became more stable over time in my detransition, I started to find my way back to that love I always had for my male traits, and tried to basically integrate them into my newfound womanhood, but that was and still is a struggle. Even just getting myself to walk outside with a beard visible on my face and with any amount of confidence to do so, since detransing, has taken me around 6 months so far, and it's still a work in progress. I keep fighting it, viewing my facial hair as a threat to my womanhood while still loving it. Is it right, is it wrong, that I still love my beard? I know that does not matter, but my emotions don't give a fuck about that. They won't listen to reason. But I see that I am beautiful with strikingly intense looks, self-love and pride showing through behind a hesitant smile, when I allow myself to wear my beard like the part of my body that it now is. I do not want to get rid of it, but I definitely want to get rid of the social stigma around bearded women with deep voices. But that ain't gonna happen anytime soon. So I'm gonna have to live with that stigma, reluctantly.

And even during that time, I sometimes, or even most of the time, directed my frustration with being misgendered towards my beloved male traits, as if they were the enemy and not society. Cause I'm just as much forced to live in this society as I am forced to live with my own body... it takes much work to not let either of those two drive me crazy. Having and keeping my male features literally does me no harm at all. Especially not considering I'm no longer taking the testosterone, only keeping its permanent effects. Actually I think trying to reverse those effects would be more harmful than keeping them. I know I'd always rather listen to my heart than society when it comes to making any kinds of permanent changes to my body. But I'll still hear society, regardless of how much I don't listen to it. And sometimes what it says just fucks me up and makes me sad. I know I would be dysphoric again if I got rid of my male traits. I know because for everytime I've considered it and used any sort of words like "removing" or "lasering off" or "getting rid of" those traits, it has made my stomach turn in a mentally painful twist. And I know because I'd regret it if I got rid of them. That I would grieve their loss, just like I grieved the loss of my breasts. And I don't wanna go through that with any more parts of my body. Even just thinking about it makes me wanna protect myself.

Truth is I don't wanna look either completely female or completely male, as for my physical appearance. But I'm fine with simply being biologically female regardless of how I want to appear. It's a fact I've no issue with anymore, and I'm no longer dysphoric about any of my remaining female parts, like I used to be. But I do not want to again look like I never transitioned to begin with. I do not miss my voice being higher pitched at all, or having a smooth face, a less hairy body or a smaller clit. My style is mostly feminine, but my body is a mix of male and female traits.

(Just to clarify, I use the word "male" instead of "masculine" when it comes to my transitioned physical traits because masculinity is a social construct, but such physical traits (like beards, deep voices, etc) are much more closely associated with male biology than any social construct. And vice versa for my female traits.) Am I less female for having some additional male traits? No, I'm still 100% female, but now with some additional male traits. I'm a woman who went through both female and male puberty, hormonally. And I like it that way, but I never liked to regularly dress masculine, and I've also never liked having a totally female-appearing body and face either. I've wanted a deep voice and facial hair ever since I was 12 years old. Whatever it means, it's not a new or sudden wish. I've had it for most of my life, which is probably why I'm so happy to have those traits now. But I also don't and can't think of myself as a feminine man, no matter how much I look like one on the surface. It's just an illusion, a consequence of my transition+style. It was a choice, and I really don't know if I regret that choice or not. Transitioning, as a whole, didn't quite turn out as I had intended. I guess that's all I really know for sure. My chest is now my only source of dysphoria. Cause I guess I can regret top surgery without also regretting testosterone. Or maybe I just want new boobs regardless of if I have chest dysphoria or not, and consider the risks of getting new boobs worth it to connect better with my body as a beautiful (not necessarily in a sexual way) and comforting meatsuit to carry around my soul (or brain, if you don't believe in souls) in. I kinda intend for my detransition to take me "halfway back" in a sense. Like two steps forward and one step back. I see myself as a woman now only cause I made peace with my body being female, but I don't really think I have an actual gender per se. I don't identify AS a woman, although in a sense I do identify WITH womanhood; as in female biology, actually natural femininity and being a lesbian.

My androgynous looks are intentional now, and I intend to rock it as well as I can. My body is solely for myself, but of course I can't and shouldn't hide completely from others just because they're not my target audience. My body is my only true home and I don't like it too plain and undecorated. I'm not a minimalist by far, I feel comforted and up-lifted by some colours, tinsel and patterns in my near presense to brighten up the gloom in my tortured mind. Looking fancy for no particular occasion, for my mental health, is a good and quite harmless type of self-care. Although perhaps not ideal, it's still far better than self-harm. Ultimately, how I perceive myself is just as a woman, and neither my transition to male nor my detransition to physically nonbinary quite reflect that, but they don't need to. But what my detransition does need is work the fuck together with my self-perception. I'm scavenging for a strategy to achieve that kind of inner team work. I know this text became really long, but I wanted to still include all that reflecting on my transition and detransition so far. Cause I wouldn't have ended up here without all those experiences. (And no I won’t make this post a “read more” thing cause I know you guys are too lazy to click on such things.)

#detransition #what i regret and what i dont #poem #my writing #my poem #reflecting #inner conflict #me vs society #androgyny #womanhood #dissociation #self perception #long post

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fightevilandthengetblownup · 5 years ago

Text

Chat: Jo + Gray romcoms

(for lexy)

Jo> She likes pointless fluff movies. I’m being told I have to watch Friends With Benefits next after I finish the last 20 mins of the first half of this series

Jo> :l

Jo> *actually doesnt mind that movie just finds it hysterical Jo does*

Grey> Is Friends with Benefits the one with Mila Kunis?

Jo> Yep

Grey> Who’s the male lead in that?

Jo> Justin Timberlake

Grey> Ah

Jo> It’s kind of hilarious that Jo likes that movie

Grey> Because of how she is about relationships?

Jo> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7_CVAI_twO0 and then http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XA6M-V4oHso first 20 seconds just… kind of amazingly hilarious.

Jo> She’s somewhere between or actually boh main characters at once

Jo> (Also the Train in the background of the first cracks me up)

Grey> TRAIN IN THE BACKGROUND LOL

Jo> Yeeeep

Grey> You linked me the sex scene? LOL *signs in*

Jo> Its the end of the crappy romcom movie that the girl wanted to watch and the guy spent the entire time paying out.

Jo> LOL

Jo> Yes

Jo> Because

Jo> First 20 seconds is magic

Jo> …hell the entire thing is magic

Jo> And hilariously like if Jo were a guy and a girl at the same time

Jo> honest to god

Grey> “I sneeze sometimes after I come” *drink everywhere*

Jo> Wait for it

Grey> HES SINGING

Jo> LOL

Grey> “WHOA TOO FAR”

Jo> “When women start to scream it can me misconstrued”

Grey> *dead*

Grey> So much for just once

Jo> LOL Yeeeep.

Jo> Can you see kind of where I get my amusement from?

Grey> Yep

Jo> “Grab my hair.” “Kiss my neck”

Grey> *dies at butt part*

Jo> *nodnod*

Grey> Oh my god

Grey> Oh man mom walking in at the end

Jo> Lol yep

Jo> I find so much fucking amusement from that movie and the fact it’s number 3 on Jo’s fave ‘romcom’s

Grey> What are the first two?

Jo> Pretty Woman and Miss Congeniality

Grey> Awwwww Miss Congeniality. "So her top favorites are about a hooker finding a sugar daddy, a tomboy becoming a barbie doll and two friends fucking?“ Gray that’s not… no.

Jo> "Got a problem with that?” Gray. Darling. No… …though he has a point but no…

Grey> “Other than your taste in movies is shit. No.” He’s got the air of implying about him.

Jo> “…I’m just glad it was top three then, I’m sure you’d find the next two just as shit…” Jo is well aware the implication and I am snickering my head off

Grey> “And what are those, Legally Blonde and The House Bunny?” *pets her*

Jo> “…no. Clueless and a tie between 500 Days of Summer and Runaway Bride….

Jo> ” She knows how bad those are, but theyre better than Legally Blonde and House Bunny at least. (What’s Your Number, Stardust, Legally Blonde, You’ve Got Mail and Sleepless In Seattle round out the top ten though)

Grey> “*snickering*” Yeah. The House Bunny is shit but Legally Blonde isn’t bad imo. It’s got Matt Davis in it for one so…

Jo> “…oh go ahead. Say it.” Lol yeah House Bunny is. Legally Blonde’s pretty alright - the second is dreadful though.

Grey> “Say what that you have horrible picks and clearly just want some guy to swoop in a rescue you?” Second one doesnt exist in my mind. Because I like the first one too much to admit it.

Jo> “You just don’t like romantic comedies and most of those involve free thinking, independent women who can survive all on their own without a man…sorta.” LOL I cried my way through it. In pain.

Grey> “Except they all end up with a guy and the whole plot of them is either "fucks a dude and keeps fucking him” or “discovers she’s ladylike after all”.“ I saw it on tv once, attempted to watch then switched the channel 5 minutes in because it was hurting

Jo> "Pretty Woman is about how you aren’t just your job - that there is more to a person than just that; Miss Congeniality is about doing the right thing, and that everyone can be more than what their intial appearance might suggest; FoB is about how… sometimes worrying about the labels of things can ruin something that’s working and that …getting over that shit’s for the best…” It’s dreadful..

Grey> “Uh huh.” Yeah I dont know what charm the first one has that the second one is missing but you can definitely tell it’s missing it. Same with Miss Congeniality, first movie is cute second movie makes you want to tear out your eyes

Jo> (Oh god, I just realised the girl in Friends with Benefits at the start is going to go see Pretty Woman at the cinema as some romcom weeklong thing and her then bf dumps her out front and she’s already missed the boots)

Grey> *DEAD*

Jo> “…shut up, alright. God, a girl is allowed to like pointless fluff sometimes!” LOL So so true. The same goes for Bring It On. *crying at this movie again now*

Jo> (“You know I love this movie! If a prostitute and a ruthless businessman who fall in love, then anyone can. *wistful sigh/tone*” *dying*)

Grey> “I would think you get enough of that with the runt.” Oh my god that’s hilarious

Jo> “…I think your brother knows better than to..freak me out with that sort of thing. Reality, fiction, don’t cross the streams..much.” I know. I forgot it and now Im dead.

Grey> “So he’s not constantly trying to bring you flowers or jewelry or anyt of that other crap? I’m surprised he has so much restraint.” No wonder Jo likes the movie

Jo> “No, he’s not. Seems you don’t know him quite as well as you think…” Oh yeah. … http://youtu.be/GvBNVJjhj4Q?t=11s Just… start o the film is pretty much this. And yep. It totally does.

Grey> “Or he doesn’t like you as much as he says he does.” I feel bad for Justin’s character cause that bitch crazy

Grey> “Next time just shit on my face cause that’s the same thing” no it isnt lady

Jo> Wait for the explanation of Mila’s character

Grey> WOW Andy’s a dick

Jo> LOL Yuuuuup

Grey> *spit take at Justin*

Jo> Just wait

Jo> It gets more

Grey> *DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD*

Jo> “Or maybe he likes me as much as he says he does and doesn’t want me to feel uncomfortable or pressured and is making sure I’m okay with things.” I KNOW RIGHT?! AND THATS JUST THE FIRST THREE MINUTES OF THE MOVIE

Grey> “If he liked you as much as he said, he’d get you flowers. Because that’s what Grey does, flowers and chocolate and bubble baths with candles and rose petals and all the other lame shit because that’s what he does, he does the lame "romantic” crap and he likes doing that. So he either doesnt actually care that much or he’s completely terrified of you and is too scared to even approach the matter"

Grey> That’s hilarious

Grey> Especially Justin’s just completely lunatic of the girlfriend. Like Mina’s guy was just lazy and a jerk but Justin’s girl was fucking monkeynuts crazy

Jo> “He would not - he might want to, but right now? He wouldn’t. I prefer non-materialistic things anyway so…” I know. She’s amazing. She keeps calling too. I seriously recommend it if you have a few hours to spare or fill or are bored sometime because that movie is just great. Better than No Strings (the Portman/Kutcher one)

Grey> “If he wouldnt its because you’re scaring him. But hey if you’re cool with him being too scared to say what he wants then….” It does look a lot funnier than Natalie’s

Jo> “I am not /scaring/ him. He knows he can say whatever he likes to me or bring up stuff…. …” It is. I’ve seen both several times, Friends With is much better. The original Coke to Nat’s new.

Grey> “Sure he does. That’s why he didn’t tell you he loved you for the longest time. Because he’s totally not afraid to talk to you.” I feel like I should just watch both then Black Swan to mindfuck myself but I can’t right now lol

Jo> “He does, and… that’s none of your business, and it wasn’t 'the longest time’, was barely three months after..” LOL Oh god that would be dreadful.

Grey> “Uh huh. And he hasnt really said it again has he?” Yep it would

Jo> “He has too. …a few times.” Brainfuck indeed.

Grey> “And I bet you know exactly how many because it doesnt happen a lot.” Completely

Jo> “…your point being? People don’t have to say they love one another all the time, I’m sure you could count on one hand the number of times you’ve said it.”

Grey> “Because I’m a arrogant asshole monster who doesn’t really give two shits to get emotional about things. Does that sound like Grey to you?”

Jo> “…no. Sounds a little like me though, so instead - how often has Anna said it to you, huh? Just because he doesn’t say it often doesn’t mean he doesn’t know he can ask about things or talk about stuff.”

Grey> “More than five times less than twenty. He’s stupid though, how would you know he knew he could ask if he doesnt feel like he could say it? Doesnt matter now I guess with that collar on you he’ll be too freaked out to do much of anything”

Jo> “..Oh. ….Because he knows me? Because neither of us is going to judge or fly off the handle? Because I haven’t gone running yet? ….shut up, fuck you.”

Grey> “If he knows you he knows that your terrified of getting attached and won’t bring it up for fear of driving you away. I’m just stating facts.”

Jo> “Otherwise known as caring and respecting a loved ones boundaries. And you say that like we’re not attached, because we are, so shove off. …you’re being a dick with the truth.”

Grey> “Otherwise known as being spineless. Wait until he wants to get married then see how attached you are. Better than just being a dick right?”

Jo> “There’s a difference - one is being respectful, the other has no basis other than fear for it. …. ………. Let’s not talk about that, ever, again. Oh shut up..”

Grey> “So how do you know he’s doing it out of respect instead of fear? Just wait.”

Jo> “Because, I just do. …And I said again…”

Grey> “Uh huh. You’re going to run when you see that little box.”

Jo> “…. ….I’m not going to run..” Mental commentary: “I’m going to politely say I need time to think, excuse myself and go hide under the covers. The fastest will be a brisk walk. Yes. No running. It’d be fine.”

Grey> “Yes you are. Watching him bend his knee and go into his pocket for it is just going to scare you so badly you’re going to take off running like a scared deer.” Awwww poor Jo

Jo> “No. I’m… I have more restraint than that even if that /isn’t/ my response.” Think she’d feel bad for it but..unless she suggests it she’ll probably freak.

Grey> “You’re right, cause he’s probably going to do it in public. You wouldnt want to make a scene. All those eyes on you expecting to say yes especially his when he looks so happy and expectant.” He wouldnt ask. I mean like… probably never unless they actually had a kid. Because he knows it wouldnt work

Jo> ( http://youtu.be/VIirTZQWJBg?t=30s *crying* Guess Jo has a penis where her vaginas supposed to be)

Grey> (SO DEAD. Oh Woody Harrelson you are always hilarious)

Jo> “…shut up. How do you know the answer would be no? Or that I wouldn’t be the one askin’? Everyone’s always calling me the boy of us…” Cue gray laughing head off. And yeah, no - I’d figured he probably wouldn’t, what’s sad is a marriage would work but proposing the idea wouldnt. (IKR? He’s a gay sports writer)

Grey> “Because you don’t do commitment? You… ask him… *laughing*” *nods* He’d figure they couldnt therefore wouldnt ask unless its a kid in which case he’d feel like “this is a family now” and ask. (He’s hilarious. I lost it)

Jo> “I do sometimes. …. *tries not to laugh as well* Yeah, okay shut up..” Yep - which I think he might be able to get a yes if he didn’t say it was cause she was preg or had had a baby, mde the family comment instead. (LOL Yeeep)

Grey> “Fine. That was funny enough I’ll shut up. *still laughing*” *nods* I think his approach would be something like “I’d like for us to be a family. And I want to be officially part of that family.” Plus that way if something happens to Jo the kids stay with him. (Armpit girl? Do I even want to know…)

Jo> ( http://youtu.be/GJucbfuvh-A armpit girl)

Grey> (Oh Justin baby what is it with you and crazy broads)

Jo> “Glad you enjoyed it… *fails at holding back a giggle* Okay seriously, I’m not that bad.. or I’m not the worst, so shuddup.” Yeah, that would actually probably work. (Yeeeep)

Grey> “Not the worst? Right okay compared to like me or something.” And of course Grey would have the sense enough not to try to make a big affair of it, nor would he want to

Jo> “There are worse people out there without going straight to you, Gray.” Yep yep - big affair woul get a no.

Jo> (Oh god, I forgot the guy in this has a stutter when he was nervous)

Grey> “*indignantly* Are not. I’m the worst. End of discussion.” *slaps Gray for wanting to look like the horrible monster again* I think the closest he’d come to that was asking if she wanted her mother there or any close friends. (So dead)

Jo> “Sure thing, I just meant there were people between the two of us on the worse scale is all.” *snickers at him* lol true true. Knowing Jo she’d not want much, or until after. (Yeeep)

Grey> “Nope. You’re close enough to me there’s no one left between us.” *nods* Jesse go to bed jo harvelle gray chat complete Aug 21st, 2012

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transbilliam · 6 years ago

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you should talk some about the differences between eddie and stans personality’s cause !! too many people think they’re the same

oh sure!!

a forewarning: i don’t have canon evidence or quotes to back me up, this is just the way i perceive both of their personality types. i have seen the 1990 and 2017 movies countless times and i’m about 2/3 through the novel, so i know these characters in canon fairly well.

im mostly going to talk about like?? their mbti types?? and also their temperaments/??? i am sorry jkdfgh

extroversion vs. introversion

eddie is an extrovert. he gathers his strength and energy by being around other people. he loves to talk. he often discourages his friends from doing anything dangerous, but that isn’t discouraging his friends from doing STUFF in general. he is energetic and talkative and loves to hang out with others.

stan is an introvert. that doesn’t mean he doesn’t love to hang out with the losers, but he is content hanging out on his own, too. he’s okay with being by himself. he has hobbies like birdwatching that allow him to be by himself and he’s okay with that. he’s not the most talkative of the losers, either, and prefers to stay quiet most of the time.

observant vs. intuitive

both eddie and stan are observant rather than intuitive. they are practical and pragmatic, and tend to see things in a logical way. they both question strange events that happen with It, because they don’t see pennywise as being something that could actually exist.

HOWEVER stan is more observant than eddie. stan is grounded in logic. it’s a foothold for him. he is dependent on the universe’s laws and doesn’t like when things mess around with his perception. in the 1990 movie his signature phrase is “that’s not empirically possible.” even his reaction as an adult to remembering It is an observant reaction. he doesn’t want something beyond the laws of the universe to exist; it’s too much for him to handle. eddie on the other hand has a lot more willingness to believe, and that willingness is fueled by love for his friends, introspection, and sheer bravery.

thinking vs. feeling

both eddie and stan are thinking rather than feeling individuals. they prioritize logic over emotions in most cases. however, stan can be more emotional than eddie. when stan is afraid, he cries. it happens both in it 1990 and in it 2017. i think also, eddie would never consider committing suicide as a viable option because it exposes and feeds into emotion and Feeling Things too much.

why is this?

well, eddie has been suppressing his emotions since he was a child. it’s more of a nurture than a nature thing. when he shows any negative emotions like fear or depression or anguish he is coddled by his mother. it’s a habitual reaction for him to hide his emotions and react only with anger or frustration rather than be vulnerable. he is more thinking than feeling.

stan, on the other hand, still does not like showing his emotions perhaps as much as bill or beverly or ben due to his nature, BUT, he does not suppress them as eddie does when they arise.

judging vs. prospecting

both eddie and stan are judging individuals.

eddie tends to shut down in new and dangerous situations. when he is afraid or frustrated, he is apt to react with trembling, running away, not speaking. he does not react or try to fight back. this is different from individuals such as bill or beverly who look for new prospects every moment. i’m thinking particularly in the it 2017 neibolt house scene where eddie stays on the floor unable to move in fear while beverly counters pennywise by fighting back. in new situations, eddie is unable to function correctly. he prefers stability, familiarity.

stan is the same in this aspect. he cannot imagine his life changing so much again if he were to go off and fight pennywise as an adult. better to die before that can happen.

when they are standing at the mouth of the sewers near the beginning of the it 2017 movie, eddie and stan are not only standing outside unwilling to go in because of their aversion to germs, but also because they are both judging individuals who avoid new situations.

NOW THAT WE’RE DONE WITH MBTI IM GONNA TALK ABOUT THEIR TEMPERAMENTS BC I LOVE THAT SHIT

eddie is a powerful choleric.

he is choleric because of his need to be in control of the situation, no matter where he is. he’s not really into the idea of letting someone else drive the bus because he knows he can do it better. both his mother’s and myra’s treatment of him are abusive no matter what, but they especially affect eddie because of they coddle him and infantilize him and take care of him, which traps him, and is so contrary to his temperament. perhaps a different personality type would enjoy having a wife take care of them constantly, but it is completely against everything eddie would want in a relationship - which is, a relationship where he has some if not most of the “calling-the-shots” in. he is determined, brave, brassy, a leader. he organizes well. he’s not a perfectionist, but most things he does are perfect anyway because of his confidence and ability to back the confidence up.

stan is a perfect melancholy.

stan is a perfectionist. he likes things to be completely organized and alphabetical and perfect. he doesn’t care how long it takes for it to get there. he’s often deep, and loves to hear people talk about deep meaningful things, loves philosophy and speculation about the universe. he’s often found doing independent things, like reading or birdwatching. he doesn’t need to be in the spotlight; he’s fine without it. he can often bottle up his feelings until they spill over (in a meltdown or cry-fest) because he relies on logic and the logical part of his brain tells the emotional part of his brain to shut up. he is intellectual and deep and smart and oftentimes brings the rain cloud of gloom into the room if he is sad. he’s always got something to think about.

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whump-captain · 2 years ago

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if you’re still doing those asks, I’d love to know 38 and 42 for cutter, 13 and 26 for elaine, and 17 and 36 for joy? -@set-phasers-to-whump

These took me a loooong time, cause i had to give them all a good think 👀

Cutter:

38. Do they like to be taken care of?

He's definitely deeply grateful for it. Seeing others worry about him fills him with this incredible appreciation of the people he's surrounded with, whether they're his friends or strangers (or for-now-strangers). Unless they're trying to get him to confront his bottled up traumas, that is. Then he just wishes people would understand how Deeply, Completely Fine he is with everything and agree to Talk About Something Else.

42. When was the last time they said "I love you" to someone and why?

Probably casually to his family, since he doesn't really use those specific words with anyone else. To his friends he says things like "You're the best" instead and it holds very much the same meaning.

Elaine:

13. What are some of their fears?

She's terrified of losing people. She's lost her parents as a child and then her older sister not long after; now she's afraid to get too close to anyone because she couldn't handle the grief if they died as well. Less existentially, she's not a fan of reptiles at all. Especially snakes and especially small ones. She's fine in close combat with a four-headed demon lizard the size of a bus but she will Not touch your pet noodle, thank you very much.

26. How do they say "I love you" without using these words?

By voicing her emotions. It doesn't come easy to her, what with all the layers of isolation and awkwardness that she has to fight through, so it means all the more to her. Sometimes it's positive emotions, which are things like "I like spending time with you", or "This makes me really happy" and those are just straight up "I love you"s just phrased differently. Negative emotions - "I don't want to remember this" or "I'm scared" - are more of an expression of trust but at that point it's so deep it might as well be love. She usually has to psych herself up a bit and spend some time looking for the right words, which is why she tends to be very blunt with it. Her friends know that and are able to tell when she needs a moment to express herself, so they wait until she's ready.

Joy:

17. Is it difficult to make them cry?

Fairly easy lol. She tends to tear up when she's angry or afraid, but definitely has a "cried but did it anyway" approach. It's mostly a stress response and she's learned to control it over time, so she can be 100% alert, sneaking away from a terrifying monster, while also having tears streaming down her face. She's very annoyed about it.

36. Where do they feel the most comfortable?

Her home and her workplace. The former because she really likes both the house and her housemates, plus she put a fair amount of effort into decorating it and making it her own. The latter is a photography equipment rental place which she's worked there for a while now so she knows every shelf in the sprawling warehouse. The itself makes her feel quite safe too with how still and quiet and thick-walled it is.

(as an aside thank u so much for ur lovely comments on my masterpost they literally kickstarted my writing drive which has been dormant for like a solid month and im still thinking abt them fjdjdksndbskdl thank uuuuu)

#answers #ask game #ocposting #im in a comfort mood now after thinking abt all this 👀

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night-springs · 6 years ago

Note

MARY idk if uve talked abt this before but what was violets relationship w/ julius like?? im super curious

KDSFHSDKF MICAH im so excited to talk abt this oh my god tysm….. also im so fucking sorry this took so long, i had way too much to say about it… ok so for context, violets canon playthrough order is vice kings > carnales > rollerz

…also, since its super obvious when reading this, i always wanted julius’ seemingly blatant distaste for johnny to have come into play in some form at like… any point in the series really. but since volition never went anywhere with it im taking it into my own lil gremlin hands

(background to this interpretation of julius)

in a word it was.. complicated. they were never close. when they met, julius was just looking for more recruits, the saints needed all the help they could get, but he thought he saw something in that skinny, terrified kid when him and troy saved her from being caught in the middle of a turf war. plus the kid owed him a life debt, and that aint a bad thing to have in his position. but, to violet… sure his speech about taking back the city to “save lives” was nice and all, but its not why she joined. she was homeless, starving, had nowhere to go and no options. she didnt even really have to think about the offer, becoming a saint just made sense. it was a step towards something, even if she didnt know exactly what it was, and so violet showed up in the churchyard the very next morning

from julius’ pov, violet took to fighting like a fish to water. capable, willing to do whatever it took, never talked back or questioned orders, and owed him their loyalty? to be honest she was basically the perfect little soldier. he thought this kid had a serious chance of being one of their key members… and he wasnt wrong. but in truth violet was terrified. when troy took her to buy a gun and had her kill someone for the first time with it, she managed to keep it together until she dropped him off and he was just out of sight. then she vomited all over the passengers seat of the car. the constant terror made it hard for her to sleep at night. a broken nose, bloody bandages over cuts from close calls with stray bullets, too many bruises to count and it didnt take long for her knuckles to become more scars than skin. for a while she was arguably more of a wreck than she was before she joined up

but at the same time, joining up improved things for violet. before this shed been sleeping in an alleyway, but now at night she could sleep in the church, and the other saints were friendly to her. then, when she got her first share of money? she went and bought herself a full meal and almost cried on the spot. soon, after pocketing as much cash as she could from dead rival gangsters wallets, she saved enough to get a loft right in saints row, and it was a shitty one, but she didnt fucking care. she loved that loft. from her point of view, julius was giving her the chance to save her own life. all she had to do in return was kill people for him. and she rationalized it to herself that way. if she had to kill other people to survive, then so be it

….and then violet began to realize how much of an adrenaline junkie she is, and holy fuck did she love to fight. if she had an opportunity to ditch the gun and just go in with a bat or even just her fists, she took it. the rush of risking her life became something she thought was fun. plus the respect she got as a saint? people were afraid of her, and she had anyone wearing purple on her side. the thrill, the power, the money, the loyalty… without her even really realizing it, running with gangs went from a means to an end to something that she enjoyed. but this change happens slowly, over the course of taking over stilwater. in truth, julius’ betrayal was what finally tipped her all the way

julius starts to hate her before they even finish off the vice kings. hed assigned her to helping out gat first, thinking even if dex was overseeing everything, their youngest lieutenant would need someone who could handle it if one of his crazy plans went south. but the trail of carnage and destruction violet and johnny left behind was the exact opposite of what julius wanted. he thought itd be over once the VKs were finished and he could assign violet to working with another (more stable) lieutenant, but after gat had taken that shotgun blast to the knee to help the kid escape and shed gone in alone to save him, the two were practically attached at the hip. the kid would follow gat around like a lost puppy, and the only person johnny spent more time with than violet was his girlfriend. then, once tanya was dead, he overhears a rumor that the supposedly mute kid could not only talk, but she would only speak to johnny or aisha. apparently gat had gone asking around if the kid had spoken to anyone else before him, and thats how everyone found out (gat was slightly offended when he found out violet spoke to aisha first, long before vi made that horrible hepatitis joke to him, and aisha had been keeping it a secret for her)

julius had never liked gat, he didnt care about ending the gang wars and was only there because he was bloodthirsty and lived for violence. and now he and the kid julius was becoming increasingly cautious of were feeding off of each others recklessness. not only were those two a volatile mix, but it seemed like julius was losing control of playa because of it… and that was bad news for him

johnnys sidelined, and banned from helping with any moves against the carnales and rollerz. julius told him it was because of his injury, which they both knew was a bullshit reason; hed been fucking up the vice kings just fine even with his messed up knee. gat did not take it well, and there was a shouting match that violet walked in on. vi was upset of course, her and gat were friends now and she liked running missions with him, but she wasnt going to argue. even if playa didnt understand julius’ decision, she didnt question him, but there was a lot of tension between johnny and julius after that, especially when it seemed like julius was actively trying to keep vi and johnny away from each other. anytime theyd hang out at the church, if julius saw them together you could feel the tension fill up the room, and more often than not hed just send violet out with some bullshit orders. the two quickly learned to hang out away from the church after that

by the time the carnales are history and theyre gunning for the rollerz, julius knows how badly he fucked up. thinking he could start a new gang, and control it? he was naive. theyd taken over almost all of stilwater, but at what cost? how much of the city had they destroyed along the way? and at the center of all that carnage was violet. the more of the city they take over because of her, the more disgusted she makes julius. he needed to stop the saints, stop her, but he has to do it carefully. if anyone realized it, or that he was trying to get playa killed, the gang would turn on him in an instant. the rest of the saints idolize playa, and they all know shes a big part of the reason for their success. if anything happened to julius, the gang would rally around violet, and he knows it

at first he was just sending her into risky situations because of the faith he had in her, but for a while now hed been sending her on straight up suicidal tasks on purpose, hoping someone would finally just take her out before she caused any more harm or became even more of a problem. but she just keeps coming back. doesnt matter if its just her against an entire stronghold of god knows how many seasoned gang members, shell walk out only a little worse for wear. julius starts to wonder just how terrifying this kid is, and all the while violet never even notices that julius is doing this, shes just doing what shes told. hes all praise whenever they speak, trying to keep her placated. troy notices the risks julius always seems to take with violet, but he just thinks julius is putting too much faith in the kid and driving her too hard. he starts trying to look after vi in his own ways to make up for it (thats how they become friends) but he never realizes julius’ true intentions until its far too late

vi and lin are flying solo now, with almost no help from the other lieutenants. julius makes it look like hes putting more faith in violet, no more kid gloves. of course vi and lin get in over their heads like that, and when lin gets killed and vi ends up in the hospital, julius wishes to god that she had just drowned in the river with lin

and then, soon after, its done. the vice kings, the carnales, the rollerz, theyre all a memory. the saints own the whole damn city, or whatevers left of it. and then julius gets arrested, and he finds out troy is a cop, and julius knows its all over…. but troy offers him a deal: get johnny and playa out, and he can walk. he gets the idea right there, to kill violet himself. theres no way shes going to stop, and julius knows it

violet knew driving over to the dock that she was walking into a trap, but if it was to get julius back, it didnt really matter. shed already murdered a major public figure and the chief of police trying to get him back, shooting her way out of another situation almost seemed pretty fuckin mild at that point. so it doesnt surprise her when hughes’ men surround her; no, what does surprise her is the sudden loud beeping, the confused look on hughes face, and something in her gut screaming at her to run. whether it was the wall of henchmen between her and the explosion, or the split second before the bomb went off that she used to rush forward and leap just over the railing that saved her life there, shes never sure. maybe it was both. either way, the burns scarring her back for the rest of her life show she didnt get off scot-free

five years later, and within 24 hours of waking up and breaking out of prison, shes already visited the police station and listened to the tapes. and once shes heard them, violet is seething. she did EVERYTHING for julius, became a murderer, risked her life, followed all his orders without question! and he took five years of her life away! tried to take all of it away! something in her just snaps, and she sets up the meeting with dex that same night

julius thought hed be meeting up with dex, but in truth he isnt surprised to see violet instead; hed been dreading the possibility of this day since he first learned that shed survived the explosion. but even so, even after what he did, it quickly becomes obvious that julius genuinely doesnt believe that violet will follow through with payback. and violet is livid, feels like somebody hollowed her insides out and theres nothing but anger under her skin anymore. despite everything he doesnt know her at all, still thinks shes this loyal little teenager who will do whatever shes told. a dog on a leash, because he never learned that she could be more than that, that she was more than that

and then, hearing him hold himself over her? violet knows who she is and whats she done, shes under no illusions about that. but hearing julius somehow think hes the good guy, that hes morally better than her after everything he did, everything he ordered her to do… it adds a whole new level of hatred. not to even mention how he tries to leverage saving her life over her again, after shed MORE than paid back that debt. thats the last straw, and she kills him. never regrets that choice for a single second for the rest of her life

after that, violets just… angry. shes like that for years. julius took everything good she ever had away from her, and every person she kills is another “fuck you” to his memory. gang member, cop, civilian, she doesnt care anymore. julius wanted to save the city from her? good. shell burn the whole fucking thing down just to spite him

she doesnt get over that for a long time

#JSDHGSFDG THIS TOOK ME SO LONG IM SO SORRY words are hard #man i love the 'trying to do the right thing in all the wrong ways' interpretation of julius....#b0one #asks #violet grey

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